What Life do you Choose?

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. The weather has gone from bright and sunny and warm to snow flurries, cold, and gray. And it seems as if that has affected the beings living in my home. Including me! The grumbling has gotten to me. The unreasonable expectations have weighed me down. The constant reminder that I can not make everyone happy has brought days of tears to my eyes. And I’ve piled weight upon weight upon weight until I’m riddled with headaches, sleeplessness, and crabbiness.

 

The seasons of frustration, anger, moodiness, or just plain crabbiness might stem from the fact that I homeschool, so these beings (along with their frustrations, anger, moodiness, and crabbiness) are with me all.the.time. It might stem from my role as pastor wife, or the upcoming holiday schedule staring me in the face. It could stem from any number of outside influences demanding more and more when I feel I can offer less and less.

But here’s the thing. He who is in me (JESUS) is greater than he who is in the world (SATAN). Do I blame Satan for all bad things in my life? Is he the root of all my frustrations? All my anger? Moodiness and crabbiness? No, not completely. I blame myself. I blame myself for forgetting that I have Jesus within me to conquer all those emotions that sweep across me through the day. 1 John 4:4 is an encouragement to the early Christians who have overcome the lies false preachers were preaching in their day.  God says to them, “You are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” We overcome BECAUSE of the Jesus in us. So when we feel defeated, deflated, down, and full of despair we know we have a Jesus in us who is WAY more powerful than the forces bringing us down.

No doubt many things that lure us to our crabby side come from the enemy. No doubt. He does not want us to live the life God intended. He does not want us to overcome and praise God for giving us victory. So he’ll whisper to you that you have a right to be offended. He’ll prompt you to lash out at a disobedient child, I mean, you ARE the authority! Satan will let you be comfortable thinking that “everyone yells, I’m fine”. But when it comes down to it, and when you are truly held accountable for your actions (emotions are one of those actions), it will all be on YOU.

So I’ll ask you what I’ve asked my 7-year-old many times this week. “What life do you want to live?”

We quote James 1:19 and 20 every day in my home. We need to! “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. For human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” We go even a step further and we discuss why it’s important to produce the righteousness God desires. God desires to give you life, And not a frustrated, anger-filled, moody, crabby one! He wants you to have an abundant life.

You see, Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to steal your joy by being frustrated with everything. He wants to kill your relationships by being angry all the time, and he wants to destroy your day with a bad, crabby mood! But JESUS!!! Jesus wants to give life, and an ABUNDANT life! (John 10:10)

So what does that life look like? Is it free of all frustrating little tasks? Free from ever getting angry or offended? Does it mean that you’ll never have a moody day or fall into the pit of crabbiness? Oh I wish!

For me, one who faces frustrations everyday, who has to battle anger on a regular basis, who has the crazy life of homeschooling 4, babysitting full-time, and working a few hours outside the home where the temptation of being moody and crabby is right there… This abundant life looks like this:

I am making a lot of choices. I’m praying for perspective. I ask myself, reevaluate myself, and try again… and again… and again. I look at the child throwing a fit and say, “I could yell, or I could scoop her up and ask her to pray with me.” One will kill our relationship, one will bring a more abundant life.  A child has a meltdown over having to do a spelling test. I can let that frustration settle in, roll my eyes and spout out each word expressing just how frustrated I am. Or I could ask God for perspective, realize a tad more study time may solve the issue and encourage said child along the way. One can steal my (and their) joy, the other will bring confidence and thus a more abundant life. Someone is upset at me. I was unable to meet their expectation (I can hear the pastors’ wives out there nodding their heads!) I can fight attitude with attitude. Or I can re-evaluate, pray for a peaceful way to handle that situation, and leave the rest with God. One will destroy a friendship, and most likely a peaceful mood while the other gives abundant life.

It all boils down to what life you want to live. If you choose to dwell in the circumstances that surround you, to wallow in the despair that stress can bring you, you will choose a life of offense, unsettlement, and constant frustration. If you choose to live a life allowing the One who lives in you to conquer the one who lives in the world, you will choose a life of peace, joy, and power.

Verse 21 following the verse I quoted earlier urging us to be slow to anger because it doesn’t produce the righteousness God desires says, “So get rid of all filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the POWER to save your souls.” (Emphasis mine). God desires not just to give abundant life on earth, but an eternal life in heaven. So rid yourself of the life sucking anger, and frustration. Get rid of the moodiness and crabby that settles in your brows. The evil one does not have your best interest in mind! He does not care about your peaceful life! And submit to the One who died in order to give you this life! Accept His word, and live in joy knowing that He has the power to save your soul! (And your attitude!)

And to end let me quote the “speech” I gave my 7-year-old today with tears streaming down my face.

“You have a battle going on for your soul, sweetie. The Devil wants to steal your joy, kill your relationships, and destroy your happy heart. But Jesus says, “SHE’S MINE!!! I died for her, I bought her with my blood, she accepted me, and she’s MINE!” And they fight and they fight because you’re worth fighting for. Jesus sees your potential. He sees how valuable you are when you have your joy, your strong relationships, and your happy heart. He knows you are an amazing girl. But Satan is fighting against you becoming that amazing person. So he fights to keep you angry, frustrated, and unsettled. He fights so he can own you, so he can get you to hurt those around you with your words, and disrespect authority. He wants you to have a life that hates all the time. And Jesus will not relinquish. He knows that He’s already died on that cross FOR YOU! He knows that you’ve chosen Him. And so now he fights for you to choose HIM in the midst of those frustrating times. He fights for you to choose HIM when math is hard, or when your brother doesn’t choose your game. He is pleading with you to choose HIS path, for it leads to a life that is full of blessings. His path leads to a prosperous life, plans that He himself has set up for you! But, honey… YOU have to choose. Who will win? What life will you choose? Mommy can’t choose for you. I sure wish I could, it would definitely NOT be this anger filled life. So all I can do is show you what’s going on and then ask… What life do you want?”

Who will win in the battle for your life? As for me? I’ll choose Jesus every time. It takes effort, self-discipline and a lot of  “taking thoughts captive”. But I’m living the fruits of choosing this life, and I see the fruits of choosing the other option.

If you do not have Jesus in you it’s hard to fight a battle with the one in the world. But, just like Jesus died for my little girl, He died for you, too. And he desires to give you a life… an abundant life. If you’d like to accept Jesus, and to choose to follow Him, please click on the link below for more clarification. 

http://followchrist.ag.org/

And Please, if you just made the choice today to follow Jesus, or if you’re struggling to choose the abundant life, please contact me. thepastorswifeslife@gmail.com 

If you live in the St. James area, please let the church surround you. Church friends can make such a difference in the life of a Christian. We meet at Crossroads Church 10am every Sunday. 721 Weston Ave. In St. James, MN. ALL are welcome! Visit our facebook page here.

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Tenacious Tuesday: We Have ALL the Answers

I once spoke to a woman in her late 30s about her wavering faith in God. She was raised in a Christian home, and even though things were rough in her life, when it came right down to it what she had learned was carved on her heart. With every statement she said against the faith she grew up with, she was very quick to remember how real what she had learned was.

Was she brainwashed by her parents? Was the Word of God ingrained in her brain?
Brainwashed? No, but she was taught! And she was taught with such consistency that should could no longer deny the truth behind what she was taught. (per definition, you could say she was “ingrained”).

We teach our kids the Word of God on a daily basis. We read it, we point out how it applies to our lives, and we use it as a guide to parent.

But, to be honest there are times when these tenacious kiddos push every button and make us doubt everything we’re doing. To be completely and totally honest, even as a pastor’s wife… There are moments I tell God, “I’m not seeing this scriptures come to life!” However, without doubt, it’s because I’m not looking or because I’m not actually being consistent in living that scripture out.

The truth of the matter is that when you train up a child in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it. The reality is that we’re supposed to teach the Word of God to our kids. Jesus specifically tells us to let the children come to Him. And as these kids’ parents, it’s our responsibility to introduce our kids to Him.

First, let me tell you how NOT to do this. DO NOT look at your tenacious child moments after the peak of their fit and say yell, “The BIBLE SAYS…” and then fill the blank with some mortal sin your kid has committed. The Bible is not a weapon. The Bible isn’t a tool for shaming your child. When the Holy Spirit convicts us with the Word of God, He does it gently, loving us into correction. And He never forces it upon us. We can not beat our kids up, using guilt, shame, and condemnation and think we’re teaching the Bible. Remember parents can guide, but they can not convict!

So HOW do you use the Bible for teaching the correct behavior?

1. Deuteronomy 4:9-10 tells us to pass what we know down to our children. Share testimony of what God is doing in your life, and what He’s done throughout your life. Share how you got saved, and what an impact the Bible has been on your kids.

It may look like this: “When I’ve been very angry before, I’ve noticed that if I sit quietly and pray that God helps me calm down. Once I asked Jesus to be the leader of my life, I started turning to Him to calm me. I may be calm now, but I wasn’t always.” Share stories of when God helped you through times of stress and anxiety. Focus on what God has done in YOU… not what you are currently seeing in your child.

2. 1 Timothy 4:10-11 Reminds us that we labor and strive because we’ve put our hope in THE Living God, who is the Savior of all people. And that we are to teach this. Be disciplined to read your Bible with your child every day. There are children’s Bibles, and children’s devotionals, and there is nothing wrong with those, but might I suggest reading strictly from the Bible. The NLT is very easy to understand, and you can pause and explain as you go along.

3. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and 11:19 tells us to Teach the Word to your children. Talk about it wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about it from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Basically look for teachable moments where you can apply the Bible to life. You can use your own experiences or even things you see on TV, the news, or things you see in the lives of friends. Talk about it as often as you can. Remember what I said NOT to do. We aren’t using the Bible to condemn. We aren’t pointing out sins in their friends and shaming their friends. But we can show what the Bible says about certain topics that come up.

Although I do not own these products, I’ve heard amazing things about them. These products help find scripture that would line up with topics of everyday life. Check out Parenting with Scripture  by Kara Durbin or head over to www.virtuetrainingbible.com and build your own topical Bible. And of course you can always Google “What does the Bible say about ________”. (or ask Siri, or Alexa, or whatever electronic that answers your random questions). I teach this tool to my kids and now they can find scripture for whatever they are looking for.

4. Lastly, Scriptural instruction isn’t enough. Galatians 5:1 tells us to be imitators of God. Role modeling the Christian life, and your willingness to read and DO what the Bible says will go a long way! We all make mistakes, and we all know that God forgives, redirects, and guides us time and time again. Be real with that Tenacious Child of yours, be patient as God is patient (and even remind them of that). You can model this with simple scripts “I’m trying really hard to glorify God today, so I’m going to leave you to your fit while I go cool down.” or When things are stressful for you and good for them, you can say, “Will you please pray for Mama? I’m really struggling using my fruit of the Spirit. Will you pray that I can be strong in Jesus and use self-control during this stressful moment I’m having?”

If you do not already have a personal Bible Reading practice, now is the time to start. It’s powerful. I’m not a morning person, but I’ve been getting up early and getting into the Word more and more lately and it’s doing wonders in my life. Waiting until things are in full swing then reaching for my Bible hasn’t been working! But getting up just 30 minutes early was a great thing in my life. Search for plans on the app Youversion… or on Bible.com (they are the same!). But ultimately, just READ the Word. For more in-depth study, I HIGHLY suggest David Guzik’s commentary on Enduringword.com.   The Word of God is a living breathing lifeline! I challenge you to start reading today. Please email if you need help getting started! And let someone know you’re starting! Accountability is an amazing thing!

thepastorswifeslife@gmail.com

Join us on The Tenacious Child support Group on Facebook.

Read more about the Tenacious Child here.

Are Christians Obligated to Address Every Controversy?

With every controversy that pops up in our country (and even abroad) many look to The Church for their reaction. They either are looking for which way to lean, or looking for another reason to discredit, either way, there is an expectation that The Church (Christians) should somehow take a stand one way or another on various controversies that come up… and there’s a new one every week!

So, are Christians obligated to address every controversy?

Controversy isn’t new. It’s always been there rearing its ugly head. Whether it be if the Earth is flat or round, or if Luther or the Pope is right… the controversies swirl around among every circle of people groups. Christians are not immune to this, and I’m sure every Christian deep down “takes a side”. But I’d like to answer this question with a simple NO. No, Christians are NOT obligated to address every controversy.

Christians should take strong stands against things that go against the Love of God, and the sin that threatens the people God so loves, there is no doubt this is important. So, when it comes to sin issues, ie, murder, infidelity, theft, HATE… absolutely, we need to speak up, speak loud, and take our stand. We need to defend the Word of God and as it lays out the sins God hates, we, too can take that stand, and should!

But, there is a new hot topic each week, and a majority of them are not sin issues. Sure, our world is full of sin, evil, and hate. But not every single surface issue is lined out in scripture as a sin. And the underlying issues are the battles we need to fight… but not on social media, on the streets, or with our own hateful attitudes.

What is important is faith expressing itself in love. When I take a stand on something that isn’t a sin issue I’m bound to upset one side or another, all for what? What good do I do for the Kingdom of God speaking loud about a topic that isn’t even an issue in God’s eyes.  The important issue isn’t a sin issue. For example pride in our Country isn’t a bad thing, but it’s not a biblical thing either. The important issue is our faith, and expressing that faith in Love.

We have freedoms, and we not only thank our servicemen for those freedoms, but as Christians, we thank God for them. We’ve been called to live in freedom, but we have to remember not to use our freedom to satisfy our sinful nature. We have to be careful our freedom in this country doesn’t become an idol, that we place it above the freedom we have in God. That’s what the sinful nature does, it reverts back to idolatry. The acts of the flesh are obvious, especially when we choose to fight a fight Christ would not fight.

**I feel I need keep giving this disclosure, but I am NOT talking about sin issues. Be sure you understand that, and be sure you truly know what is considered sin. 

Instead, we are to use our freedoms to serve one another in LOVE. It can be summed up asking yourself, “Do I love them like I love myself?” Are you finding out what both sides are feeling, or are you so stuck on your side that you refuse to show love? Because if we are always biting and devouring one another, we need to watch out and reevaluate! Our biggest concern should not be what “side” we’re on. Instead it should be that we not destroy one another.  So no, Christians are not obligated to take a side, you’re bound to destroy someone in the process.

So, Let the Holy Spirit be your guide. You’re allowed to have an opinion, but share it as the Holy Spirit leads, and be sure it lines up with scripture and that it’s full of love. Share it one on one as to understand where the person your sharing it with is. Be sure that the important part is your faith, and expressing it in Love.

When we follow the desires of our sinful nature, that desire to be heard, to be right, to “take a stand” the results are obvious, they cause hostility, quarreling, outbursts of anger, dissension, division. There is no doubt that if you stand against murder, those outside the church could possibly still have hostility, quarreling, anger, and division… but that is because they are separating themselves from the standards God has set before us. But when it is not a sin issue, you are working more towards division than drawing them in. Your voice is heard more as quarrelling than it is bridging the gap. So we need to be mindful of weighing in on every controversy so as not to provoke more division, more dissension, and more anger.

**Again, if another believer is overcome by some sin, the godly should GENTLY and HUMBLY help that person back to the faith. Of COURSE! But, again… this isn’t what I’m talking about here.

Ask ourselves WHY we feel we need to address each controversy. I know that deep down no one thinks it’s to stir the pot. Perhaps we think we are so important, and therefore our opinions should be, too? Well, we’re fooling ourselves. We are not that important.

Here’s the thing, those who live only to satisfy their own desires will end up with decay and the death of relationships. So when our motive is not to build relationships (with all of those God has put in our path… so, Facebook world, twitter world, or even blog world). We will only reap a harvest of hurt and decay. It does not help. But those who live with the purpose of pleasing the Spirit (living that spirit led life even when controversy arises) will see such an amazing harvest of love.

So, No, Christians are not obligated to address every controversy, I even think they shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter whether we stand on this side, or that side what counts is whether we have been transformed into a new creation. And causing more division to the latest controversy will not be a flattering view on your faith and the fact that you are indeed a transformed being!

Causing division IS a sin issue. 

If you’re looking for scripture to aid in this, please read Galatians 5 and 6. The people of the time may not have been discussing who to vote for, what organization to give to, or how to honor our vets… but they had controversy and God gives us a great guideline as to how to deal with the conflicts that arise in our own culture.

These battles are better fought in prayer.
“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” -2 Chronicles 7:14.

Tenacious Tuesday: All over the Place

I have a lot on my plate today (and yesterday). I’ll be the first to admit, I need my man! When he is out-of-town, I notice, and lament! He left yesterday and we have covered 310 miles in two days dealing with all things unplanned. From broken bones to broken vehicle to surprise Tuesday Night plans, the past 48 hours have been a blur. And most of that time was spent in a car with bored children as I toted them to 5 different towns.

Life doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes things are all in place and you can sit back and breathe deeply and feel just so content with the ways things are going. And other times life throws us so many curve balls we don’t even know where to aim to hit them!

So I sit here, in the quietness of my house munching on candy corn and sipping some McDonald’s coffee… 22050824_10155853326664430_1950326624_oat 9pm reflecting  on this day  these days.

Despite waking early, doing some school work with my older two, jetting off to finish school in a Tires Plus store, getting home just in time to get some much needed chores done, then running off to another activity where I got extremely lost (which just heaps mounds of anxiety on me) and getting home just in time for kids’ bedtime… I think I can say we had a good day. So I shocked myself and I sit here and wonder what did I do? My kids were cooped up the car almost all day… and most of yesterday, too as we tracked down an arm brace for a broken arm… and yet… we did pretty good!

Please don’t think I’m bragging. Well, I am… but not about myself and how great I did (I really felt the day was out of control!), but I’m bragging on my God, and the power of His Word.

I titled today’s Tenacious Tuesday “All over the place” because I feel that’s been my week, and my mind lately. As I was trying to come up with a theme for posting this week I just couldn’t decide between posting about the power of prayer or the power of the Word. And although I’d like to dive deeper into each one of those, today my mind just can’t narrow it down… and I don’t have to. They go hand in hand.

My weekly verse is Philippians 4:8. I can’t believe how often this verse has come up this week and it’s only Tuesday!

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

The previous verses talk about prayer… another main theme in my life right now… but I read this verse and think, “How can I do this? How can I think of these things when so much takes up my thoughts.”
How can we fix our thoughts on things that are true and noble and right and pure when the world is so opposite? How can we think of things that are lovely and admirable when we are lost in a town we don’t know and kids are screaming and giggling shrill giggles in the back of the van? What if our plans are changed into things that aren’t excellent or praiseworthy? HOW are to we think about such things?

Well, we worry about nothing but pray about everything. We look for the peace that comes only from Him, and we dwell in it. We turn our negatives into positives just by going to the Lord in prayer. We stop dwelling on how our day didn’t go as planned… and we start dwelling in the one who has our steps ordered!

We pray… and we read His Word. The next verse says,

 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Whatever you have learned… So you go back to the Word, and you go over what you’ve learned… and you put it into practice.

I homeschool and multiple times a day I hear, “But that’s hard!” as if that should be a valid excuse for not doing long division, or spelling the challenge words, or perfecting cursive writing (yes, we still teach it!). Well, since when does something being difficult mean we stop trying? Sometimes we just DO IT!

It’s hard to put the things we’ve learned into practice. Perhaps you haven’t actually learned it, perhaps you haven’t “by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, presented your requests to God”. And because you haven’t, you feel all over the place.

This morning I had a 10a appointment to get my tire fixed… we had 45 min to get there, but when I got to the van, the tire was flat. I drove slow to the gas station and spent 15 minutes airing up that tire. I wanted to cry. I needed my man, he wasn’t there! I whined, I got frustrated, and by the time I was done, I was in pain from gripping that stupid air hose! But I got in the van, 15 min later than we needed to leave for the appointment and said, “Dear Jesus, thank you for this van! Thank you that airing up this tire will get us to our appointment. Now, Jesus, please take this worry from me, get us there safely, prompt me if I’m being unsafe, and guide the rest of our day.”

I made a choice. I stopped whining. I let go of the frustration. I gave my anxiety of being late over to God and when we got there, my van went straight in to be worked on! *It was even done in 30 min!

When I drove aimlessly around an unfamiliar town searching for the place I was supposed to be I was FULL of anxiety. I yelled “WHERE AM I!” one too many times. I felt frustrated at the lack of direction I was given, and I felt overwhelmed by the possibility of missing an event. And I pulled over, bowed my head and asked God, “Will you give me peace?” It was a simple prayer, but my aim was to think of something praiseworthy. And I looked up and could see my destination in the distance. It took me 2 tries to get to it… but I made it (and the event was wonderful!).

I may feel all over the place, but I know God is still on the throne, there to give me peace that surpasses all understanding.

So, what does this have to do with our tenacious kids? Well, I guess I just started writing, and I left it to God to take this blog post where it needed to go… and I suppose I never mentioned these tenacious ones… but, I can see where it still applies. We can set the example. We can calm their storm by showing them to fix their thoughts on things that won’t bring stress and anxiety.

And parents of tenacious children feel “all over the place” often. So, what will you choose? May I suggest something true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy?

If you’d like to join us on our journey with The Tenacious Child… find out what it’s all about here or send me a request to join our Facebook group here. We don’t have to do this life alone. A New Design (2)

Tenacious Tuesday: Who Do You Listen To?

Recently, I had to send my tenacious child to her room to finish cleaning up (one day I’ll have to do an entire post on “bedroom cleaning”… but that’s not today!). She just did not want to do this. And so, of course, a fit manifested. Things were being thrown (and taken away), things were kicked (and removed from her room). And eventually, I just shut the door and sat at the top of the stairs about 5 feet from her room.

To be completely honest, sometimes remaining calm and methodical as we deal with these outbursts is SO exhausting. It breaks my heart, it forces me to keep my anger in check, and it makes me disappointed that my calmness didn’t “work”. She is STILL raging.

So I sat at the top of the stairs and cried, and prayed. And I listened to what she was saying.

“No one cares about me!”
“I’m NEVER going to get this room clean enough!”
“I’m stupid! I’m a horrible girl!”
“I don’t want to live here anymore!”
“I don’t think I even want to LIVE at ALL!!!”

**Now, it’s possible with kids like this that they are doing everything they can to hurt someone. She feels so big, and is such a loving child… but that also means with the huge capacity to love, she knows how to hurt. So it’s possible that when she says these things, she’s aware that I’m listening, and knows that it’ll hurt me to the core to hear her talk this way. We tell her we love her and care for her all the time. We never treat her as if she’s stupid, or horrible. I oftentimes say, “You’re an amazing girl. God created you to be that awesome! NOW act like it! Let your behavior reflect who you are… AMAZING!”

Also, many kids this age do not understand “suicidal thoughts” and they may say things for the shock value… however, I do not take these things lightly… So I called my husband up and told him what I had heard and we went in to talk to her and pray over her.

We told her that what we were hearing her say did not sound like things God would say to her.

And here’s the thing… I think this truth is not just for these kids like ours. This is for all of us. It’s easy to get down on ourselves. It’s the words we say to ourselves (either aloud or in our heads) that are so destructive.

“I’m such an idiot!”
“I’ll never get this down, I’m such a failure.”
“What’s the point? Why do I even care!?”
“Life is so horrible for me! No one cares, I’m all alone”
“I don’t want to do this anymore! I don’t even want to live….”

We think these thoughts, we mull over the words, until we feel so bad we just want to give up.

Is this the voice you’re listening to?

These things do not sound like things God would say to you. They are not things God would EVER say to you! And so you must choose to listen to the right voice. Just as we told our tenacious child, I am telling you, today. Things are not always easy. Emotions can flood our hearts and minds, but we are NOT slaves to them! We do NOT have to listen to them. Instead, we CHOOSE to listen to God’s voice.

God’s voice says,
“Do not be dismayed, for I am with you.”
“I have a purpose for you, a prosperous purpose.”
“I care, give me your burdens.”
“You may be a sinner, but I LOVE YOU!”
“You were worth dying for!”

We can get so discouraged by the actions of our children. We can carry that burden for too long, and take every fit, act of disobedience, or disrespectful tone to heart. We can see our children as our report card instead of our blessings. And we can beat ourselves up. But each time we do this, we are doing no better than that little 7-year-old girl sitting in her room listening to the wrong voice!

2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about taking every thought captive and bringing it into submission to God. It’s a discipline we must take seriously, and change right away. When those negative thoughts come across, stop them in their tracks. Do NOT linger on them. Do NOT agree with them, and DO NOT add to them. Correct your thinking. Search the Word of God and find the TRUTH.

You are not an idiot… you are learning as fast as you can. You are Jesus’ disciple, and you are learning.

You are NOT a failure. You are making progress everyday. Not every tiny step is noticed… but sooner or later you’ll begin to see the difference. Learn to rejoice in the journey.

The point is, this is your child, (s)he matters. God gave her/him to you, and He will equip you to raise this gift He gave you.

You are not alone! God will never leave you or forsake you. He sees the trial, and is already working with you to solve it.

Dear Mommas and Pappas,  when troubles of these kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. (James 1:2-4)

Let God speak loud and clear in your life. If you begin to listen to yourself, or the enemy, you won’t hear the TRUTH that God is speaking to you. His desire is for you to have life, and life more abundantly.

Ask yourself, “Whose voice am I listening to?” If the voice isn’t saying what God would say, you know you’re listening to the wrong voice. Help your child to recognize when that voice isn’t God… be the example.

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If you’d like to learn more about the Tenacious Child… or to read the first tenacious Tuesday post, click hereA New Design (2)

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The Tenacious Child

I would like to introduce you to “Tenacious Tuesday”. I’m fully aware that today is Wednesday, but when you have THAT child, and you don’t always get to do exactly what you want to do.

First… let me explain THAT child. My goal is never to speak to ill of ANYONE  or cause you to think less of them. I do not share this information without the consent of my child that I speak of. I also hate the term THAT child. I feel that if I were to speak to her in this way, she would lose hope that she can conquer this difficult time… so, again, with her permission, we’ll use that phrase until I get to the point where I’ve fully explained who THAT child is. **Just beware that there will be many disclosures within these posts.

Ok… back to THAT child. THAT child is the child that you struggle with the most. It may be your only child, it may be your oldest, or youngest, or like us, one of the middle. But it’s the kid that takes what you know about child rearing and throws it out the window… but not before ripping it to shreds, stomping on it and screaming at you for believing you knew anything at all. It’s the kid that has days, or unfortunately even weeks, where the only peace you get is when they sleep.

Don’t get me wrong, these kids are amazing. Mine is smart, SO caring, hilarious, and I can honestly tell she has a huge desire to please God. She loves church, she loves worship, she reads her Bible and I can visually see how she tries to put it in action. But she struggles. Her temper gets the best of her and her rage goes out of control.

I have 4 kids. My first was strong-willed. I read James Dobson’s Strong Willed Child at least 4 times by the time the kid was 5. So I was pretty convinced I knew what I was doing, and how to handle the “strongest of strong-willed” children. My 2nd child is strong willed, but it’s so  minute in comparison.

And just when a mom thinks she’s got it, #3 comes along to prove you wrong. She was such a sweet and loving and quiet baby. She was the perfect fit to our lives. Her brother started Kindergarten (homeschooled) the year she came, and she just melded into the “classroom” with ease. So naturally I felt like I could handle more kids, and by the time #4 came, my beautiful calm baby became the most energetic, high maintenance, and stubborn child I had. She loves just as hard! Basically she does everything at a much higher volume than we had ever seen. What a thrill!

It’s just such a struggle for her to have such huge emotions… she loves big, she angers big. And it’s such a struggle as her parents to parent THAT child. I love her, I want her to excel. I want to foster those super sweet, super loving, super smart, and super hilarious moments… but have to learn how to first maneuver around the super tantrums, super hurt feelings, super monster anger, and it’s just.SO.HARD!

So… back to this phrase, “THAT CHILD”. She told me she didn’t like being THAT child. And I squeezed her tight and told her that with God’s help she was going to no longer see herself as (wish you could hear my tone of voice here) “THAT CHILD” (said in a negative way… “THAT angry child, THAT naughty child, THAT tiresome child”) but she’d see herself as I see her…  “THAT child” (said in a positive, cheerful  voice… “That amazing little girl! That sweet friend. That loving child!”). And so, I want to change THAT child to TENACIOUS Child. Hence the “Tenacious Tuesday”.

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I’ve been searching for near 7 years for the correct phrase to describe a child like mine. Strong willed was not quite strong enough. And many other words or phrases sounded so negative. You see, we do struggle. We have a lot of hard days. I cry and pray A.LOT as I try to figure out how to parent her, how to remain sane, and how to show her I won’t give up on her. And to find this word, to study its meaning, brings me to my knees before God. I can TOTALLY see this in her.

Synonyms for Tenacious:
Determined, persistent, spunky (AMEN!!), steadfast, strong-willed, unswerving, iron, obstinate, persevering, purposeful, solid, unforgettable (YES!), UN.SHAKEABLE (Please, God!)

I found myself shouting, Yep! Yes! This is SO HER!!! Then I had to look up “Obstinate”. stubbornly refusing to change one’s opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so… very difficult to change or overcome.

I stopped. I prayed. “Lord, is this ever so true! Guide me, teach me, and help me be creative in overcoming.” And within the very second of finishing my prayer I saw how positive this could be in her walk with God. I could see how strong her will has to be to make it in this ever darkening world. And I added, “Lord, please let her not be overcome. Let her stand on her course of action, YOU, and YOUR WILL despite the world’s attempts to persuade her any other way.

And so… here we are. I’d like to take time each week to share her with the world. She wants to help with this portion of this blog. She’d like to share some of her thoughts on here. She knows this is a struggle, and she prays daily for the fruits of the spirit to be evident in her life. (This girl… she can rattle off all 9 fruits and what they mean! She has studied them on her own, and even knows which one she needs more of as she faces issues that causes her big emotions to come out… folks, she’s SEVEN!!! What a TENACIOUS one I have!!).

Please come back on Tuesdays, see how we handle these Big emotions with a Big God, and join in on the conversation on Facebook. Click here to request to be in our new group called “The Tenacious Child”.

I look forward to seeing what God will be doing in and through us!

Are You Under Construction?

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My little town is going through some major construction projects. Almost every road is torn up. We are getting new water pipes (or whatever their called) and roundabouts, and… and … and… Whatever the reason is… the construction is annoying. I can’t go my normal route. And just when I figure out a new way, they tear up that road, too. Construction is not convenient! This picture above is about 50 meters from my front door. And it’s creeping closer. Construction! It’s too close to home! But it is needed. There are huge benefits to getting new water pipes (I hear the old ones were BAD!), and a smoother highway.

I snapped this picture on my walk to church last Sunday. It reminded me of the lesson I was teaching in our Sunday School class.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says speaking about how different Christians should be, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone, the new life has begun.”

These roads they are working on… they are GONE! They aren’t filling in some pot holes, they are digging up the old, and laying down the new. They’re new shapes, different sizes, and hopefully altogether BETTER!

When we become Christians we need to be changed! Our lives need to go through a major overhaul. Earlier in 2 Corinthians, Paul reminded the Corinthians that they should have died to their old selves and old lives and that they should no longer live for themselves, instead they will live for Christ, who died for them. He challenged them, and us, to change our hearts and minds because now we KNOW God and should act accordingly. We are a new person, the old life is gone… Has your new life begun?

Being a new creation doesn’t mean that we are perfect. It means that we are changed and that we are being changed. When a Christian becomes a Christian they are changed in that instant. However, if that’s all the change that happens… it’s not enough. 

Our street has had potholes for the entire time we’ve lived here. They come and put some filler in it, pat it down and tada… it’s still a pot hole, it’s just a filled in pot hole. It takes about 3 months and the road is just where it was before. There was no major work done, and the fix only “fixed” it for a short time. It’s a never-ending job!

The same with our lives. We must be under construction on a continuous basis. No matter what state you live in there will be a running joke that says something along the lines of ” In (Insert your state here) there are two seasons… Winter and Construction” I’m not sure what the southern states say other than winter, but we can all agree that Construction is a never-ending project. I hope you can see where I’m going here…

When God is the Lord of your life, your life should be a never-ending construction zone.

This is not just “turning over a new leaf” or “getting our act together”. It is a continuous process that occurs in a Christian’s life. If we are not allowing this in our Christian lives, we are in a bad way. Have you ever run over pot hole after pot hole after pot hole on a road unattended???? This IS how your life is when it goes untouched by God.

In Ephesians 4: 22-24 we are told to put off . . . the old man and to put on the new man which was created according to God, in righteousness and true holiness

If we look the same as we did before we became a Christian, it’s time to ask God to begin construction in your life. If you look the same as you did a year ago in your walk with God… you’re already well overdue for some major construction.

Construction isn’t comfortable. It can even be annoying. But God isn’t content with you staying where you are… and neither should you be.

I expressed to my Sunday School class that as a mother of young children (and one almost teenager), I feel challenged on a regular basis to do better. I’m being watched. And sometimes mimicked. So I have these 4 reflections of myself running around, and more times than not, it’s not what I want to see. So I seek God and I seek to change those sins. If I’m struggling with anger towards my kids, or a critical spirit, or apathy, or complacency… whatever bad habit I see in myself, I begin to pray. I pray that kindness would prevail, that my perspective would change, that passion is restored, or that God would give me motivation. I pray and I seek Him. I read His word, I look for specific scriptures to aid in my change. I read articles from other trusted Christians who have been there. I listen to sermons… and I go back to pray. I begin to use my self-control so I can put into practice what I’m learning. Why? Because I know that if I don’t let the construction happen, I’ll be no better than a crumbled road that’s been untouched for years, crumbling far beyond recognition. If I want to be used, I must undergo the work it takes. I can’t just keep going my normal route, God needs to put detours in my way so I can finally get on the right track with Him and those around me.

This “lesson” had been on my heart for a few weeks before I spoke to my Sunday School class about it, and isn’t this just God, that morning, my husband preached along the same lines. He doesn’t share his sermons with me, and I prefer it that way. So when I teach in Sunday School, I just LOVE when it lines up with the day’s sermon. **This is another huge indicator that God is trying to do a work in your life… when he repeats the same message in different ways in a short span of time**

So Pastor spoke continuing in his journey through the Bible on Joshua 1. He spoke about how our nation can honor God. This is the best part of the sermon…

“Our nation is not going down the tubes because Trump is president, or because Obama was president. Our nation is not going down the tubes because congress drags its collective foot in getting things done. Our nation is not going down the tubes because the Supreme Court makes decisions we don’t agree with. Our nation is not going down the tubes because ungodly groups seem to have such power and notoriety.
Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so-called Christians are content with simply showing up to Sunday morning service. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to read, meditate and act on the word of God. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to live in the power of the Spirit. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to be holy… or different from those who don’t believe and follow Jesus Christ.
Our nation needs to see miracles. Our nation needs to see Christians act differently than the rest of the nation. Our nation needs revival, and this isn’t going to happen by an act of Congress or Supreme Court. IT HAS TO HAPPEN IN EACH OF US!!!”

Change starts in US. We all can agree that our nation, our schools, our town, our family needs to change… but we have to believe that the change starts in us. And we need to be seeking out that change. We need to start asking God to change us, to show us where he’d like to fine tune us, what pot holes he’d like to fill, and if need be, where he can begin the demolition process of our construction.

Very quickly, and simply (although not all our changes may be simple…) Here are your 3 steps to begin that change…

1.  Screenshot 2017-07-03 at 3.03.08 PMRead your Bible! Read it so much that it becomes part of your conversation. Joshua says to not let it depart from your mouth.

2. Put it into your mind. Meditate on it day and night. Think about what you’ve read and how you can put it into practice… because… See #3

3. DO WHAT IT SAYS. The Bible has SO much to it, that each time you read it, you should be challenged in a new way to change.

We’ll never arrive until we see Jesus face to face! So if your reading this, that means you are not in Heaven… and you are still a candidate for being under construction. So, are you? What holes is God trying to fill in your life? Is God doing something major? Will you allow his bulldozer to come in and tear your old life away and lay down a new one? It may be hard, require a new path, or be down right annoying as you try to figure out this new route God is leading you on… But it is needed. There are huge benefits to getting a new life, and a smoother life at that.

 

Is your Anxiety Scaring You? (Free Printable)

Stress, anxiety, worry, and fear have been a topic of discussion in my home.  It started with hearing how many Americans are on an anti-anxiety medication. (11% of middle-aged women, 5.7 middle-aged men). But even more significant was the amount of people I spoke to this week alone about their anxiety, or worry, or fears. Whether it be about finances, their children, job security, a busy schedule, or even joyful situations like the upcoming birth of a new baby, anxiety can consume our thoughts.

So, for a few of my closest friends I began to construct a flip book to aid them in praying the scriptures, specifically scriptures that discussed fear, anxiety, and/or worry. Nothing calms more than praying the exact will of God. How do I know it’s God’s will? Because it says so right there in the Word. So, I figured if I was making them one, I could make everyone one!

Below you will find a free printable. Print the cards off, glue the scripture to one side of a notecard  and the prayer to the other (I used actual notecards and glued to colorful cardstock.). Hole punch the cards and place on a ring for an easy flip book.

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These are simple prayers based on the scripture. I have given you 31, that’s how many days until my friend gives birth to her new baby!!! But it’s also the amount of days in a month. Read one a day if you want. Or sit during your prayer time and flip through praying each one on a daily basis.

If you are new to prayer, start by just reading each card in your prayer time. Place the card in your pocket for the day and take it out and pray it multiple times a day. Add to the prayer your own thoughts towards the scripture. Pray that God makes that scripture alive in your heart. BELIEVE the scripture and accept it as a promise for your life. Replace the word “Situation” with your specific situation.

You can put your cards in any order, however, the first scripture on the print out should be the first (in my humble opinion).

“Cast all your cares on the Lord, He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” -Psalm 55:22

Once we realize that we can and should cast all our cares on Him because He will strengthen us, we will more easily get rid of the fears and anxieties we are facing. This may need to be done multiple times a day, but it’s His will that we not carry them anymore.

The last verse is a great verse when we’ve been doing well at managing our stress and worries, but they begin to creep back in (like at the end of your first 31 days… seriously, I promise if you can commit to this for a month, it will CHANGE.YOUR.LIFE!)

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” -Galatians 6:9

Good things come to those who do not give up. The freedom you will feel once you are able to rest knowing God will take care of all your worries and anxieties is indescribable. It’s not easy, it takes great discipline, and lots of encouragement from fellow Christian friends. I pray this will help.

You will notice that many of the same themes run through these verses. A few being

  • God will help you.
  • God is Lord *Which means He’s big enough to deal with your anxiety.
  • God gives strength.
  • God renews each day.
  • God will supply your needs.
  • God is with you. *Which means you are not alone!

Here is your FREE download: Scriptures for Anxiety If that link does not work… as it wasn’t for some… copy and paste this line into your browser (sorry, I’m not very tech-savvy)–
file:///home/chronos/u-c2ff507fe2e9bcb935427657899e63b7db3826c8/Downloads/Scriptures-for-Anxiety%20(1).pdf

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If you’d like to copy and paste to your own set of cards with your own personal prayers, you can find the full list of scripture below. God bless you, and know, God knows your needs, He’s willing to help you through, trust Him, and keep pressing on! If you’d like more prayer, email me at thepastorswifeslife@gmail.com or follow Crossroads Church on Facebook.

31 Scripture verses to pray over your anxiety

Cast your cares on the Lord, He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.-Psalm 55:22

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. -Philippians 4:6

The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. -Psalm 29:11

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. -Colossians 3:15

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:18

An Anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. -Proverbs 12:25

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. -Psalm 56:3

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7

So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” -Hebrews 13:6

Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is with those who uphold my life. -Psalm 54:4

Look at the birds of the air: They neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? – Matthew 6:26

And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it’s own. -Matthew 6:34

Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For the gentiles seek after these things and your heavenly father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. -Matthew 6:31-33

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. -Romans 8:28

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. -Psalm 62:5

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13

Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning: Great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23

I know what is to be in need and I know what it is to be in plenty. I have learned to be content in any circumstances, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. -Philippians 4:12

Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. -Psalm 30:5b

For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask him. -Matthew 6:8

Because you are my help, I can sing in the shadows of your wings. -Psalm 63:7

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. -Isaiah 40:29

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, “Do not fear, I will help you.” -Isaiah 41:14

Be still and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10

Peace I leave you; My peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. -John 14:27

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will
reap a harvest if we do not give up. -Galatians 6:9

Raising Arrows

Arrows come in all kinds of shapes and sizes. They can be different, look different, have various purposes. They can have plastic vanes, actual feathers. They can have an arrow head made of stone, metal. Arrows can vary in length. They can even have completely different designs specific for target shooting, competitions, or hunting…. And even then more specific to WHAT kind of hunting. Fish aren’t going to need the same arrow makeup of that arrow used to hunt say a bear.

However, they are all alike in their basic design. Each one has been crafted and carefully fashioned, molded and balanced. They ALL are intended for flight, that ALL are created to hit a target and they ALL are intended for maximum impact on that target.

This Father’s Day I want to talk to you about arrows every dad has in his life.

The Bible says, 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children on one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them,” Psalm 127:3-5

 

Each and every father, and each mother pulling double duty in dad’s place has an arrow or two (or 3, or 4, or 5…) they are all different from one another. They all have different looks, different personalities, but they are also very similar in the way that each of them were fashioned and crafted by God and each of them should be molded and balanced and readied for flight from our home.

Children, like arrows, are meant to be handcrafted and eventually released. If they aren’t’ crafted well, they won’t shoot straight. And if they aren’t released they’ll never hit their target. Dads with kids at home, it’s reality– one day these kids of yours will be aimed and released out into the world. I spoke to a friend about this earlier last week and she told me she wasn’t coming to hear my message when I preached this to our church if I was going to insist on reminding her that her little girl would one day leave the house and move on… Well, I searched for the right words to soften the blow.. But when it comes down to it, we just can’t stop the inevitable, so in the meantime, we need to equip them for that moment they head out to find their target! We have to choose now to be intentional in order to equip them for that journey.

There’s a broad spectrum here. You have some parents who lack intention. They have a full quiver but the arrows are just a bunch of sticks. They are un-carved arrows with knots of bad habits, and rough attitudes. They are crooked and unpolished. So when they are shot out, they waver and falter and fall short of their intended target.

Then you have some parents who are so intentional. They correct grammar and politeness, and posture, and habits and attitudes. They have such sharp pointy straight and smooth arrows. Oh, they have it all together… perfect little mommies and daddies!!! But they have no intention of shooting them out of the quiver. 30 year old Bobby still gets all his meals home-cooked from mommy. Sally dear is still grabbing her allowance from daddy as she goes shopping with her 28 year old friends… This just doesn’t work.  These arrows, like children, need to be shot out into society as sharpened arrows, ready to take on the world and hit the mark…
But who am I kidding, this is a FATHER’S DAY message… Father’s ALWAYS want to shoot the kids out! I have to remind my husband that our son isn’t quite ready at 12 years old!

But in all seriousness if your kids are still at home. The day is coming and we must get them ready. But, don’t fret, if you’ve already shot your kids out of the quiver, praise God you get to sit back and watch them hit their target… but don’t tune me out just yet. You still have a job to do… and we’ll get to that.

When this verse that I read to you earlier was written, men didn’t go to the ammo store and purchase their bullets they were going to use for protection or war or hunting, no they had to fashion their bow and arrows themselves. They had to select a good branch, sand it down until the stick was straight and smooth. Then they found rocks to sharpen to fashion the arrow head. There were no shortcuts. If they wanted to hit the target, they HAD to spend the time to fashion the equipment. These arrows were important, they HAD to be straight, they HAD to be smooth, and they HAD to fly the distance. In the same way that archers fashioned their arrows, parents must equip their children with the skills and disciplines to be effective in life.

Looking at an arrow, you have 4 major parts.

 The Shaft, the Fletching, the Arrow Head, and the Nock. Looking at your child, there are 4 major things it needs to make it into this world and to hit it’s mark. Discipline, Encouragement, God’s Word, and YOU! 

Let’s explore further…

The shaft of an arrow is the long part of the arrow. Every arrow shaft has a degree of stiffness and resistance. So you have to craft it in such a way that will allow it to bend when it needs to bend (as it thrusts out of the bow) and when to bear it’s weight (when it hits it’s target). If they arrow shaft is too thin or too light weight, they can bend in an extreme way resulting in missing the mark.

 Your child needs discipline. Time and time again in the Bible, God speaks through the writers to extend the message to us that we MUST discipline our children. Here’s just a few..

Proverbs 29:15- The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:17-Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.-
Disciplining is just as much for you as it is for them… a disciplined child is a peaceful child… come on. We’ve all seen undisciplined children… they’ll have you reaching for the excedrin immediately!

Proverbs 23:13,-Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. **See, it’s right there in the Bible… spanking your kids won’t kill them! HA!

Proverbs 13:24-Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Do you love your kids? Then you need to discipline them… look at this last one

Proverbs 19:18- Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.

I keep saying that you’ll shoot your kids out to hit the mark. What is that mark? Eternal life. That mark is a life with Jesus! Discipline is the first step to getting there. Discipline your children for it’s the way to show them salvation, and eternal life.

We often tell our children that they need to be obedient to Pastor and me, that being under our roof, and learning to listen and obey is their practice for listening and obeying God. Parents, that means there’s a big job for us! We’re teaching them a skill that will bring ETERNAL LIFE! We must discipline our children.

If the shaft is too weak and too light, it won’t fly straight. Our discipline towards our children need not be too light. Discipline is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience. It does NOT mean ignoring bad behavior… it means CORRECTING IT! It does NOT mean doling out punishments every single time you’re annoyed… it means TRAINING! It’s no easy task, but it’s the one God gave us as parents, and even more specifically gave to fathers.

The fletching on an arrow is the feathers or vanes. This part  creates drag and can help the arrow spin as it soars through the air. It provides the arrow with stability and accuracy in flight. This little part of the arrow can give it a little extra jump out of the bow.

When we discipline our kids we have to do it without provoking them. Ephesians 6:4 says  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Colossians 3:21 says Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

To exasperate means to irritate, to provoke, to pick pick pick pick pick pick. Guys… I love my kids… I love your kids… but man oh man, kids can be SO annoying sometimes! But, that’s in the DNA makeup of kids. Kids will be Kids. yes, we have to discipline, but we must not provoke them in the process. We need to encourage them in the way to go. Tell them you love them, tell them you think they are amazing! Did you notice that both of these verses are to Fathers. Most mothers tend to coddle, to protect their kids feelings. They are more likely to think every little thing is just so cute… Dads… not so much! They have a bigger tendency to be short, and harsh, and say things like, “Suck it up, rub some dirt on it, quit cher belly achin!”
Daddies, your words of encouragement provide stability and accuracy, giving kids a head start as they jump from the “bow” of life. Fathers need to encourage, and not provoke. They need to be loving and involved. Do not embitter your children. Do not push them out with a long list of things to be bitter about.

James Dobson says that Dads are the ones that encourage their kids to try that high dive at the pool. They are the ones that instill in their kids the courage that it takes to venture out and try new things. They are the ones that increase the arrows longevity and help it to go further, The more encouragement they can get, the more umph they receive leaving the bow, just like those feathers… Fathers, encourage your children.

Okay, so what if your husband isn’t reading this, and won’t. What if they don’t do these things? What if they are short and harsh, and abrupt more than they are encouraging? I’ll get into that a bit more in a minute, but let me encourage you now… pray! Pray for your husband to start doing this, and in the meantime, model this behavior for him. Moms can provoke their children, too… Unfortunately I know this first hand!

Next the arrow has an arrow head. Whether it be a craftsman’s arrow head, or a rock carved to a point, these are placed at the end of an arrow shaft and secured in place to penetrate its target. Without this, the arrow may shoot far, it may spin and soar beautifully, but once it gets to the target, it will bounce right off and fall dead to the ground.

You can raise your children to climb the professional ladder, to obtain the highest education with the top of their class. You can raise them to be caring and charitable helping every person they come in contact with…  but if they are not taught the ways of God, His salvation, His word, they will miss the mark.

Speaking about God’s word, Deut 6:7 says,  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Isaiah 54:13 All your children will be taught by the Lord, and great will be their peace.

Psalm 78:5-7 talks about God telling Jacob to teach his children the word so that the next generation would know it, and then the next. It even talks about reading it to the unborn child! By doing this, the children would put their trust in God and would not forget His ways but would follow the Word.

We must be teaching our children God’s word. We began reading to our kids at a very young age. They’d play on the floor with cars, or dolls. All we asked was that they stay quiet so they could hear the Bible. They may not understand it all the first time, but keep reading and start over when your done and you’ll get through it multiple times as it settles into their hearts. Pause within the reading to explain, ask questions, answer and dig deeper if they want. And remember… ALL scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, (2 Timothy 3:16). So as you discipline… use the Word of God. As you encourage… use the Word of God, and as you teach God’s way… use the Word of God, it’s all in here!

Lastly, there is a tiny little spot on the back end of the arrow called the nock. It goes unnoticed many times, but it’s a plastic tip on the rear that holds the arrow in position. It’s the part that allows the bow string to rest inside steadying the arrow just before it launches. All the pent-up power in a bow is of no value if it can not be effectively transferred. That’s why every arrow has this small little groove. (Slide 7: Dads, Our kids need YOU) Dads, our kids need the strength, comfort, encouragement, discipline that only a daddy can give. Many moms are forced into that role but in reality, backed by study after study after study they need that anchoring point from their fathers. A review of studies by the Father Involvement Research Alliance shows that babies with more involved fathers are more likely to be emotionally secure, confident in new situations, and eager to explore their surroundings. As they grow, they are more sociable. Toddlers with involved fathers are better problem-solvers and have higher IQs by age 3. They are more ready to start school and can deal with the stress of being away from home all day better than children with less involved fathers . Moms who are doing it for dad, good job! But every chance you get to encourage Dad to step up, do it. And every time Dad does step up… back off. Let him set the rules and enforce the rules. Ask his input, involve him as much and as often as you can. And Dads who have been there, help those still at target practice. Titus 2 speaks of older men teaching the younger men. Share your experiences, check up on dads in the trenches and encourage them to do these things for their kids. And yes, Titus 2 also speaks to young men and tells them to listen to those who have gone before! Pastor Dave is an amazing Guy… but even he will admit that he’s not perfect, he is still learning, and would gladly take advice from a dad who has done this before. I do not preach this message because I’ve perfected all things parenting! I have great kids, but their parents fail A LOT!!! We are all still pushing through trying to do the best we can.

But the point of my message today, the reason we have these arrows, why we discipline, why we encourage, why we teach them God’s ways can be perfectly summed up in the Message’s version of Proverbs 22:6

Point your kids in the right direction– when they’re old they won’t be lost.

Letting your kids go can be scary, not just for us, but for them. But if you can equip them, train them, and release them to hit the mark, when they are out on their own they won’t be lost. They’ll know whose they are. They belong to the Lord and will continue following Him.

This verse ends speaking of these children being a man’s protection. Imagine walking this life with all your arrows equipped with the armor of God around you. When you are in trouble, they will be your protection. They’ll cover you in prayer, they’ll bombard heaven on your behalf… the more you send out, the better the prayer protection.

I’m praying for you, Dads! I pray you step up to the plate and prepare your arrows. I pray you steady them, aim them, and shoot them out with eternal life in their path.

Happy Father’s Day!

Dear Guilt, I Quit

Guilt is such a short word for such a heavy burden. Once it’s heaped on, it gets heavier and heavier. It clouds our minds in such a way that begins to hinder our relationships, not just with people around us, but with God. Guilt pulls us to a level where we stop trying, or we try too hard. Guilt pushes us to close ourselves off, or opens us up to blaming others. Guilt is so heavy because it carries so much baggage with it: bitterness, loneliness, comparison, lies, and manipulation.

Let’s make today a new day and say good-bye to guilt.

First of all let’s set some things straight. Guilt is when you have ACTUALLY done something wrong. Specifically it is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.

The problem is, that “implied” word. Sometimes people heap guilt onto someone who hasn’t even committed an offense. They accuse, they make snide comments, they throw around expectations that were never supposed to be met. These people work hard at trying to make you feel bad for this “offense”. But an even bigger problem is that we fall for it. We accept their accusations and their comments, and we allow ourselves to feel bad for not meeting their expectations. And we begin to dwell in the burden of guilt.239d1e39fb35431c39079a2e18c635ec

But did you know you don’t have to live in a constant struggle with guilt? Consider this…

Did you actually do something to offend? Did you commit a crime? Did you deliberately hurt someone? Did you accidentally offend?

Sometimes we do. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we have a fender bender (or a full out crash!). Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us and we act or say things we shouldn’t do or say. Sometimes, we are completely unaware of it, but we hurt those we love.  And in these situations, we are guilty. But we don’t have to walk in guilt. We will mess up, we will offend. But we don’t have to live in a constant state of beating ourselves up. Don’t let guilt strike a blow to your heart.

Guilt isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it shows us where we’ve gone wrong. But once we fix that wrong. The guilt must be gone. Once you’ve apologized and done your part to make amends. You are no longer guilty. The only time you can use the word correctly is to acknowledge that you committed the crime. If you break a vase, you will be guilty of breaking that vase forever. However, you do not have to carry around the feelings of guilt forever. It’s time to say goodbye.

No one can make you FEEL anything… but you. Others can blame you, condemn you, de-friend you, and remind you of your wrong. But that is all they can do. You have to decide what you will do with their actions. Will you add it to the luggage you already carry around, or will you walk in freedom from guilt?

God does not condemn. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  So why do we walk in it? Why do we take the sins of others (yes, they are in the wrong, and outside of God’s will, when they do not forgive your wrong doing!) and allow it to drag us down?

Often times we listen to what others are saying and we become offended, bitter, sad and angry. We lash out at others for “making us feel guilty”. But in reality, No one can make you feel guilty. You only allow it. So next time stop and ask yourself, “Did I do something wrong?” “Is God convicting me of something?” “Am I guilty?” “What changes does God want me to make?”

Right your wrong, and walk in freedom.

If you stood a friend up for the 5th time and they just won’t stop talking about how upset they are. Apologize and try to be on time. If they can’t accept that, let that be THEIR problem, not yours. If you tend to be harsh towards your neighbor and God is calling you repent and change your attitude… then change your attitude, be obedient… but don’t walk in condemnation! Did you dent the car? What will guilt do to fix the dent? Yep, NOTHING!

Let conviction draw you closer to God. Rejoice when God points out ways you can improve. Let go of guilt. Quit living under the condemnation of other non-perfect people. There is freedom when you let guilt go.

And all those who LOVE to send people on fantastic guilt trips… STOP! Only the Holy Spirit can convict. It was never our job. If God wants to use you to lead someone to repentance, He will lead you down a gentle and respectful path, one you should tread lightly. Pointing out someone’s faults and mistakes is not of God, and is unbecoming of a decent human being.

As a Pastor’s wife, this is a battle I have to make a conscious decision to fight. I know I don’t do everything right. And I know I will mess up even when I’m trying to do some things right. But all I can do is try harder. I have to remember that I answer to God, and no one else. Guilt is too heavy a burden to bear. Be encouraged to quit. There is a better life to live!