Anxiety and Trust Can’t Coexist

When I was eight years old I remember laying in my bed at night and crying over all the possible things that could go wrong. I cried for every person I knew that smoked because what if they died of emphysema? I’d stay up worrying about if my baby brother would grow up to like me, and I’d fret about mosquitos giving me AIDS (no joke, I was terrified!). I was never a risk taker in my teen years, too many things could go wrong. My biggest risky behavior was to drive a tad over the speed limit… and I got busted for it WAY too many times!

Fast forward to becoming a mother, and this anxiety hits in the deepest depths of my mind. I’ll never forget that moment that I first had the overwhelmingly panicky, fearful moment. My oldest child (only child at the time) was only about 7mo old and we were driving along Mammoth Mountain in California. The snow had piled so high along the sides of the road that the road was narrow and the cliff was right there! It was beautiful… to some… to me it was our death trap! The higher we drove on the mountain, the more I glanced back at my baby, and the more scared I became until finally I blurted out, “TAKE ME HOME!!! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE, NOW!” I shocked my husband and myself.

I do not have anxiety at a clinical level. But I have moments of complete fear, to the point of tears, and I begin to lose sleep over all of the what ifs. Last night was one of those nights. In about 3 weeks we’re returning to one of my kids’ favorite places, and one of my biggest fears. Wisconsin Dells. You see, for people like me, large crowds and 4 kids spark anxiety. Swimming pools spark anxiety. Add those things together and you’ve got it, I’m up at night with anxiety filled dreams, and a list of what ifs a mile long.

But, this isn’t our first time to Wisconsin Dells’ crowd filled, death traps upon death traps of water slides and pools (sorry… ), and it most likely won’t be my last. I made a decision a long time ago, as I’ve been dealing with this for 13 years now, not to allow this issue of mine to rob me of the wonderful fun my family has. It isn’t easy. My dreams are vivid, life-like, and scare me to the point of tears almost every single night leading up to this trip… but they won’t overcome me.

Anxiety and trust cannot coexist. If I want to honor God by trusting him with the things most valuable to me, my kids, I have to take captive every single anxious thought. Trusting God is not as easy as typing that out. It takes practice, discipline, and constant attention to the destructive thoughts that come in order to push anxiety like mine aside and choose to trust God.

Many people do not like this idea. They don’t believe they have control over the thoughts that come in their minds. They take the motto of “It’s too hard” instead of “Be anxious for nothing”. And to be honest, it offends them to read something like what I am typing. When we struggle to overcome something, the last thing we want to hear is that our trust in God is wavering. But there is the truth, and that’s what we have to look at. Anxiety and Trust cannot coexist. And in the midst of a late night battle with anxiety I have to make the choice to either dwell there, give into the thoughts, and feed the anxiety or to trust God to care for and protect my mind, and ultimately me and my children.

“But it’s so hard! The thoughts are so strong, and constant. HOW can I possibly drive them out!?”

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. -2 Corinthians 10:5

So, First, read the Word of God and BELIEVE it when it says “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:6-8 MSG)

You have to replace the anxious thoughts with God trusting thoughts. Believe me there may be days where this is ALL you do in your mind. It’s gruelling, but SO worth it. In the NLT it says, ” Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Part of this process is to remember ways God has protected you, cared for you, and met your needs.

When my 2nd daughter was born I had a hard time laying her in her bed and leaving the room for the night. I was going through a really rough time, we had moved from CA to WI and had no jobs to support us. I was having some trust issues with God and one night when I simply could not pull myself away from her bedside I sat on the floor and cried. I said, “God! How can I trust you when we have no car, we have no jobs, and now two kids, what are you doing here!?” and right there on the floor of my infants room I hashed it out with God. He won of course reminding me of every time he’s met my needs. He reminded me that when I don’t trust, I pull away. And when I pull away, I put an unsafe distance between me and God. God never moved, but I took steps away. And once I began to thank Him for all He’s done, that peace surrounded me and I could trust my daughter in His hands.

I prayed that if something truly warranted my attention that I’d know the difference between anxiety and a call to action. That has proven itself many times over now and I know the difference in the feelings.

After two miscarriages and finally a very difficult pregnancy and an even more difficult birth of our 3rd child,  I found out I was pregnant with my 4th. Fear began to creep in. And I chose to not live in fear. So I took this verse in Philippians and put it to practice. Every fear that came up, every what if that tried to steal my joy, I turned into prayer. For example: When I did not feel sick one morning after having severe morning sickness the day before, instead of freaking out because my experience told me that meant miscarriage, I prayed, “I’m so thankful that I feel so good today, Lord. Thank you for the reprieve, but I’m scared. I’m scared that this is a sign of miscarriage, please take care of my baby. I give this baby to you for you hold his future in your hands. I TRUST you and will choose to trust instead of fret.” I did this many times a day. My delivery was so horrible with baby #3 and I’d fret the delivery of # 4 almost every day of the pregnancy, but I turned them into prayer EVERY.SINGLE.TIME until that peace came over me… and that delivery was the easiest of all 4. It was so good!

So I think of those times and I remind myself that God has taken care of our family from the very beginning and he will not stop now. When I wake up at 4am riddled with dream after dream of my children drowning or getting lost, or kidnapped while at the Dells, I get myself up and pray myself through immediately, even if that means missed sleep tonight… tomorrow will be better.

I also pray the scriptures. I believe the Word of God is true. And so I pull out a few scriptures and I pray out loud the TRUTH over my fear. I put my kids’ names in the spots where it makes sense…

Lord, I look up to the mountains—
For my help comes from there. 
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth!
 
He will not let My children stumble;
the one who watches over them will not slumber.
Indeed, he who watches over my children
never slumbers or sleeps.
 
The Lord himself watches over them!
The Lord stands beside them as their protective shade.
 sun will not harm my children by day,
nor the moon at night.
 
The Lord keeps them from all harm
and watches over their lives.
The Lord keeps watch over them as they come and go,
both now and forever. (Psalm 121, bold print = changes)
I fill my mind with prayers of trust until there is no room left for thoughts of anxiety. And to be honest, this took me 90 or so minutes last night. It’s NOT easy… but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
God is a sympathetic God. None of us are perfect, and we’re all given our own set of struggles to overcome. God does not leave us to do this alone! He’ll walk each step with is.
For some anxiety isn’t an issue, for others, it can be a cancer. And just like cancer treatments can be aggressive, so must our course of action to overcome fear and anxiety. For some it’s not the safety of their children, but their checkbook, they fear and fret every time it’s time to pay the bills. They lose sleep over how they will put food on the table. For others it may be the drive to be perfect in all they do. They fear making mistakes and they live in this constant pull between the impossibility to be perfect, and their anxiety over beating that impossibility. Although the symptoms are different, the cancer is the same… and the treatment will always be to CHOOSE to be anxious about nothing and pray about it all.
I suspect this won’t be my only night where I have nightmares. I have 3 weeks before we have the time of our lives at the Waterpark Capital of the World. And I’ll need to up my prayer time each day we are there, but I’m committed to choose peace and trust. It’s what the Word says to do.
Below are a FEW scriptures you can turn to prayer as you choose to overcome your anxiety. I got this set from a bible.com (youversion App) reading plan called, “Praying through the Scriptures: Anxiety” I keep this plan on my phone at all times so if I’m struggling I know where I can find some good solid scriptural prayers. I know there’s more out there, feel free to share them in a comment!
I’m praying for YOU, too. Anxiety can be debilitating. Don’t dwell in it (it’ll grow!) instead, choose trust. And remember Trust and Anxiety cannot coexist.
  • Matthew 6:25-34
  • 1 Peter 5:7-11
  • Philippians 4:4-7
  • Proverbs 3:5-8
  • Psalm 46
  • 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

 

And if you think about me during the week of June 17th-20th, lift me up in prayer. I would never want to ruin this week of fun for my family because of my lack of trust. I have always enjoyed myself in years past, and I plan to do it again this time.

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This Mother’s Day… Remember

In the past few days I’ve packed up all clothing and toys that my kids have outgrown and laid them out for a garage sale. The process went something like this…

Step 1: Start in the basement and begin pouring over all the bags and boxes that have begun to accumulate. Pull out every piece of clothing, check the tag for size so you can organize… but hug each piece in memory of the time your child ____________. Cry here and there; laugh over something that reminds you of their cute little 3-year-old voice; cry some more, and then place in the box marked with the appropriate size.

Step 2: Repeat step one, but with every single toy in the house. Get your kids involved. Be proud of them for downsizing, but question them when they want to sell their most prized toy. Then cry when they say, “I’m done with that.” Try talking them into just a few My Little Ponies, or just one tiny collection of the “Super Heroes”. But ultimately box them up, tears and all. (Maybe sneak a few out of the box for future grandkids).

Step 3: Take your boxes to the garage where the sale will be held. Get a friend to join in your misery. As you take each piece of clothing out, tell your friend about the memory that each and every piece of clothing and toy brings to your mind. Cry. Listen to her memories. Cry some more. Tears with friends is acceptable!

Step 4: Begin to sell all your sweetest momentos one by one, 50 cents at a time. Tell the buyers all the cute stories each item brings to mind. Hold back tears. Tears with customers seems less than acceptable.

Step 5: Relive the experience, regret selling some things, and steal back a few items that did not sell… but most importantly close your eyes, have yourself an ugly cry (this is MOST acceptable!) and remember just how amazing this journey of Motherhood is.

Every memory, every feeling, every emotion those clothes and toys bring will STILL be there even when the items belong to someone else… because you never sell the memories.

Being a mother is such a crazy thing. We can love so strongly, get frustrated so easily, forgive instantaneously, and somehow manage to retain a lifetime of memories (x4 in my case).  These memories we have of our children may blend once in a while, “One of them use to say ‘Frog’ in the cutest way!” but others are so vivid in our minds, like how my son had his very own “Baby Spot” where he’d lay next to me in the middle of the night. He’d crawl into our bed, curl up in the curve of my body, and tell me that’s where he used to live, it was his “baby spot”.

We can relive panic moments like they happened yesterday, like when my son crashed into the wall at age 3 and exposed skull, and TONS of blood. I panicked. But then something kicked in and I immediately went calm and said, “I got this, I’m a mom!” And 13 stitches later, I felt that God had equipped me for motherhood.

We may not always remember each kid’s exact birth minute (sorry, I just can’t remember after baby 3… poor 4th born!), but we’ll remember the crazy giggles to the silliest things, like how funny my daughter thought she was at age 2 when she stole my cell phone and took pictures of the floor. Each click sound she heard brought a wave of mischievous laughter (which was contagious!)

We may choose to forget the mounds of laundry, although they may be a nightmare that haunts us for the rest of our lives… but we’ll never forget the sweet night-time smiles our babies give us in those wee hours of the night. My sweet daughter gave me many many smiles in the 18 times a night that she’d wake.

These memories, whether heart-warming, lesson-learning, self-encouraging, or life-giving will hold us in times of panic, frustration, exhaustion, and discouragement. They are God’s way of reminding us that these babies of ours, no matter how old they get, were given to us as a blessing for us. We become better humans because of them. We grow in patience, wisdom, endurance, and calmness. God helps us remember how He brought us through the sleepless nights of babyhood, so we can endure the sleepless nights of the teen years. God helps us recall the tantrum throwing 2-year-old emerging into a sweet and adorable 3-year-old so we can have hope as we battle with our 13 year olds. God brings to our minds the struggles and fruits of our sacrifices to remind us that He can get us through the remaining years of these precious gems in our care.

But ultimately God give mamas a special place to carry memories so we can be reminded of how completely amazing, and wonderful, and precious, and glorious, and abundant this life of a mother truly is. It is the sweetest blessing!

Happy Mother’s Day!

To the Overwhelmed Mama

It’s Mother’s Day week. This either brings excitement to your mind, or dread. You may be looking forward to an amazing day planned in your honor, or you’re preparing for unmet expectations… yet again. Well, I’d like to spend a few days this week encouraging Moms with some things I’ve learned  I’m learning on this journey. I’ve only been here for 13 years, and I know there’s this entire teen-mom thing just waiting for me (x4). But for now, let me share my heart at this stage.

Being a Mom of 4 (with an extra baby 10hrs of the day), I’m a tad overwhelmed. I may make it to church in time, and have most of the kids’ hair brushed and dressed semi presentable… but the chaos that gets us there is pretty overwhelming. There’s just so much to do. Laundry, cleaning, grooming, laundry, teaching, loving, encouraging, laundry, sports, shopping, feeding, laundry, breaking up fights, cultivating family bonding, laundry… and have I mentioned the never-ending loads of laundry? Even if I have the kids do their own, our schedule does not always allow for them to finish it all in one day, so the mounds begin to form, and the digging to find clothes adds to the frustration, then Sunday comes and no one has anything decent to wear… see, I’m getting overwhelmed just talking about it. But, the Laundry isn’t the only thing on the never ending list!

We are gearing up for a garage sale. And to be honest that was all because we’re really gearing up for family to come and stay for a couple of days in our home. So that means I want the bedrooms to be “guest-ready”. The problem is that My room and bathroom is downstairs, the Fab Four sleep and have a bathroom upstairs. Do you know the destruction that goes on when there is no parent living on the 2nd floor, just room after room of unorganized, hoarding, slime making kids!? If you don’t know… you don’t want to! It can get bad!

But I have to be honest, checking 4 bedrooms (oh how I’m blessed that each kid has their own room!!– But it can appear to be a curse!), 4 closets, a bathroom, a hallway, and the stairs EVERY DAY on top of everything else can be a tad overwhelming for me. I know that sounds lazy, and seem silly, but I also check 4 maths, 4 englishes, 4 sciences, 4 handwritings… I oversee 4 completely individualized curriculums, a baby who is here 40-50hours a week, sports schedules, doctor appointments, dentists appointments, and I’m married to the Pastor. And I don’t even have the energy to go into the work of the church.

Please hear me out, I LOVE this role as Mother (and wife, and pastor-wife). I really do! But, it can get so overwhelming. And so at the end of the day, there are days I’m just glad we made it. I’m just so thankful we all have smiles on our faces as I drag myself to the bottom step, cuddle them all, pray over them all, and send them to their beds. And as I lounge on that bottom step thanking God for those amazing little blessings, I snarl my upper lip, let out a sigh of exhaustion, and say, “Oh MAN, I forgot to check their rooms!”

So, day after day of that, when I FINALLY do check rooms, they are such a mess! And I drop my shoulders in despair as emotions of failure, inadequacy, incompetence and overwhelming unworthiness sweep over me. I can not mange bedrooms, I must be a failure as a mother! Lie number one!!!

Boy, did that escalate fast! But it’s true. We somehow equate being a good mother with how well we manage all the things that are piled on us day in and day out. We let messy playrooms, bedrooms, faces, and bottoms determine our self-worth. And just when we conquer managing the bedrooms, we notice those pesky stairs! HOW in the WORLD do stairs get so incredibly messy!?

But, that’s a LIE. Our success in motherhood has nothing to do with getting our kids to sports on time. It isn’t found in the cleanliness of our kids ears, or thank heavens the amount of times we’ve actually scrubbed that kids’ toilet!

You are a great mom because you love your kids. You are a great mom because you are pursuing a good life for your children. You are a good mom because you protect them, encourage them, love on them, and nurture them. You are their mother! Not their maid! And God has given you these blessings, not to overwhelm you, but to draw you closer to Him. My prayer life has increased exponentially since having children… even more so the more kids I’ve had.

Motherhood isn’t the most glamorous job in the world, but there is no better calling on this earth! And God never expected you to do this alone. I wake each morning and hit snooze on my alarm. It’s only 5 min, but I bombard heaven in those 5 minutes. I ask for patience, endurance, and a measure of Grace. I pray against the urge to be perfect, and for a peace to calm my overwhelming tasks throughout the day. I pray for my kids, and their walk with God that day, and I ask God to help them help me. It’s not a lengthy prayer, but it’s my way of reminding myself that it’s not my responsibility to walk this day alone. It puts before me the fact that God is on my side, desires for me to walk in His will, and will help me to do so. This doesn’t mean I don’t pray throughout the day as well… believe me, I am doing it often. “HELP, GOD!” “Protect this child!” “Oh God, I’m glad you love them! Remind them that I do, too!” and many many “Please forgive me, Lord” prayers! But nothing rejuvenated me more than that 5min prayer before I put my feet on the floor each morning.

Mama, be encouraged today! Know that God wants you to raise your kids in His love, and if you have to skip room checks in order to do that, then so be it… Just know even in the midst of the many sports trips, doctor visits, late night feedings, and all the ever-loving trash that comes along with motherhood, Jesus is walking this path alongside of you. He desires your company, and relishes in leading you as you raise these precious blessings He gave you. He chose this calling for you, He won’t fail to equip you to do it.

Praying for each of you lovely mamas this Mother’s Day. mothers-day

For those in the St. James, MN area, Crossroads Church will be starting up a Parent support gathering. These nights will be laid back nights for parents to come and meet other parents. If you are in the area, we’d love for you to join us. We will all be in different stages of parenthood… but we’ll share the same overwhelming feelings that come with the journey. June 10th at 6:00p will be our first gathering. If you’d like more information, please like our Facebook page so you can receive updates as the date comes closer.  Feel free to call the church office for more details as well. 507-375-5920 (leave a message if you want a call back)

What Life do you Choose?

It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. The weather has gone from bright and sunny and warm to snow flurries, cold, and gray. And it seems as if that has affected the beings living in my home. Including me! The grumbling has gotten to me. The unreasonable expectations have weighed me down. The constant reminder that I can not make everyone happy has brought days of tears to my eyes. And I’ve piled weight upon weight upon weight until I’m riddled with headaches, sleeplessness, and crabbiness.

 

The seasons of frustration, anger, moodiness, or just plain crabbiness might stem from the fact that I homeschool, so these beings (along with their frustrations, anger, moodiness, and crabbiness) are with me all.the.time. It might stem from my role as pastor wife, or the upcoming holiday schedule staring me in the face. It could stem from any number of outside influences demanding more and more when I feel I can offer less and less.

But here’s the thing. He who is in me (JESUS) is greater than he who is in the world (SATAN). Do I blame Satan for all bad things in my life? Is he the root of all my frustrations? All my anger? Moodiness and crabbiness? No, not completely. I blame myself. I blame myself for forgetting that I have Jesus within me to conquer all those emotions that sweep across me through the day. 1 John 4:4 is an encouragement to the early Christians who have overcome the lies false preachers were preaching in their day.  God says to them, “You are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” We overcome BECAUSE of the Jesus in us. So when we feel defeated, deflated, down, and full of despair we know we have a Jesus in us who is WAY more powerful than the forces bringing us down.

No doubt many things that lure us to our crabby side come from the enemy. No doubt. He does not want us to live the life God intended. He does not want us to overcome and praise God for giving us victory. So he’ll whisper to you that you have a right to be offended. He’ll prompt you to lash out at a disobedient child, I mean, you ARE the authority! Satan will let you be comfortable thinking that “everyone yells, I’m fine”. But when it comes down to it, and when you are truly held accountable for your actions (emotions are one of those actions), it will all be on YOU.

So I’ll ask you what I’ve asked my 7-year-old many times this week. “What life do you want to live?”

We quote James 1:19 and 20 every day in my home. We need to! “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. For human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” We go even a step further and we discuss why it’s important to produce the righteousness God desires. God desires to give you life, And not a frustrated, anger-filled, moody, crabby one! He wants you to have an abundant life.

You see, Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to steal your joy by being frustrated with everything. He wants to kill your relationships by being angry all the time, and he wants to destroy your day with a bad, crabby mood! But JESUS!!! Jesus wants to give life, and an ABUNDANT life! (John 10:10)

So what does that life look like? Is it free of all frustrating little tasks? Free from ever getting angry or offended? Does it mean that you’ll never have a moody day or fall into the pit of crabbiness? Oh I wish!

For me, one who faces frustrations everyday, who has to battle anger on a regular basis, who has the crazy life of homeschooling 4, babysitting full-time, and working a few hours outside the home where the temptation of being moody and crabby is right there… This abundant life looks like this:

I am making a lot of choices. I’m praying for perspective. I ask myself, reevaluate myself, and try again… and again… and again. I look at the child throwing a fit and say, “I could yell, or I could scoop her up and ask her to pray with me.” One will kill our relationship, one will bring a more abundant life.  A child has a meltdown over having to do a spelling test. I can let that frustration settle in, roll my eyes and spout out each word expressing just how frustrated I am. Or I could ask God for perspective, realize a tad more study time may solve the issue and encourage said child along the way. One can steal my (and their) joy, the other will bring confidence and thus a more abundant life. Someone is upset at me. I was unable to meet their expectation (I can hear the pastors’ wives out there nodding their heads!) I can fight attitude with attitude. Or I can re-evaluate, pray for a peaceful way to handle that situation, and leave the rest with God. One will destroy a friendship, and most likely a peaceful mood while the other gives abundant life.

It all boils down to what life you want to live. If you choose to dwell in the circumstances that surround you, to wallow in the despair that stress can bring you, you will choose a life of offense, unsettlement, and constant frustration. If you choose to live a life allowing the One who lives in you to conquer the one who lives in the world, you will choose a life of peace, joy, and power.

Verse 21 following the verse I quoted earlier urging us to be slow to anger because it doesn’t produce the righteousness God desires says, “So get rid of all filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the POWER to save your souls.” (Emphasis mine). God desires not just to give abundant life on earth, but an eternal life in heaven. So rid yourself of the life sucking anger, and frustration. Get rid of the moodiness and crabby that settles in your brows. The evil one does not have your best interest in mind! He does not care about your peaceful life! And submit to the One who died in order to give you this life! Accept His word, and live in joy knowing that He has the power to save your soul! (And your attitude!)

And to end let me quote the “speech” I gave my 7-year-old today with tears streaming down my face.

“You have a battle going on for your soul, sweetie. The Devil wants to steal your joy, kill your relationships, and destroy your happy heart. But Jesus says, “SHE’S MINE!!! I died for her, I bought her with my blood, she accepted me, and she’s MINE!” And they fight and they fight because you’re worth fighting for. Jesus sees your potential. He sees how valuable you are when you have your joy, your strong relationships, and your happy heart. He knows you are an amazing girl. But Satan is fighting against you becoming that amazing person. So he fights to keep you angry, frustrated, and unsettled. He fights so he can own you, so he can get you to hurt those around you with your words, and disrespect authority. He wants you to have a life that hates all the time. And Jesus will not relinquish. He knows that He’s already died on that cross FOR YOU! He knows that you’ve chosen Him. And so now he fights for you to choose HIM in the midst of those frustrating times. He fights for you to choose HIM when math is hard, or when your brother doesn’t choose your game. He is pleading with you to choose HIS path, for it leads to a life that is full of blessings. His path leads to a prosperous life, plans that He himself has set up for you! But, honey… YOU have to choose. Who will win? What life will you choose? Mommy can’t choose for you. I sure wish I could, it would definitely NOT be this anger filled life. So all I can do is show you what’s going on and then ask… What life do you want?”

Who will win in the battle for your life? As for me? I’ll choose Jesus every time. It takes effort, self-discipline and a lot of  “taking thoughts captive”. But I’m living the fruits of choosing this life, and I see the fruits of choosing the other option.

If you do not have Jesus in you it’s hard to fight a battle with the one in the world. But, just like Jesus died for my little girl, He died for you, too. And he desires to give you a life… an abundant life. If you’d like to accept Jesus, and to choose to follow Him, please click on the link below for more clarification. 

http://followchrist.ag.org/

And Please, if you just made the choice today to follow Jesus, or if you’re struggling to choose the abundant life, please contact me. thepastorswifeslife@gmail.com 

If you live in the St. James area, please let the church surround you. Church friends can make such a difference in the life of a Christian. We meet at Crossroads Church 10am every Sunday. 721 Weston Ave. In St. James, MN. ALL are welcome! Visit our facebook page here.

Tenacious Tuesday: We Have ALL the Answers

I once spoke to a woman in her late 30s about her wavering faith in God. She was raised in a Christian home, and even though things were rough in her life, when it came right down to it what she had learned was carved on her heart. With every statement she said against the faith she grew up with, she was very quick to remember how real what she had learned was.

Was she brainwashed by her parents? Was the Word of God ingrained in her brain?
Brainwashed? No, but she was taught! And she was taught with such consistency that should could no longer deny the truth behind what she was taught. (per definition, you could say she was “ingrained”).

We teach our kids the Word of God on a daily basis. We read it, we point out how it applies to our lives, and we use it as a guide to parent.

But, to be honest there are times when these tenacious kiddos push every button and make us doubt everything we’re doing. To be completely and totally honest, even as a pastor’s wife… There are moments I tell God, “I’m not seeing this scriptures come to life!” However, without doubt, it’s because I’m not looking or because I’m not actually being consistent in living that scripture out.

The truth of the matter is that when you train up a child in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it. The reality is that we’re supposed to teach the Word of God to our kids. Jesus specifically tells us to let the children come to Him. And as these kids’ parents, it’s our responsibility to introduce our kids to Him.

First, let me tell you how NOT to do this. DO NOT look at your tenacious child moments after the peak of their fit and say yell, “The BIBLE SAYS…” and then fill the blank with some mortal sin your kid has committed. The Bible is not a weapon. The Bible isn’t a tool for shaming your child. When the Holy Spirit convicts us with the Word of God, He does it gently, loving us into correction. And He never forces it upon us. We can not beat our kids up, using guilt, shame, and condemnation and think we’re teaching the Bible. Remember parents can guide, but they can not convict!

So HOW do you use the Bible for teaching the correct behavior?

1. Deuteronomy 4:9-10 tells us to pass what we know down to our children. Share testimony of what God is doing in your life, and what He’s done throughout your life. Share how you got saved, and what an impact the Bible has been on your kids.

It may look like this: “When I’ve been very angry before, I’ve noticed that if I sit quietly and pray that God helps me calm down. Once I asked Jesus to be the leader of my life, I started turning to Him to calm me. I may be calm now, but I wasn’t always.” Share stories of when God helped you through times of stress and anxiety. Focus on what God has done in YOU… not what you are currently seeing in your child.

2. 1 Timothy 4:10-11 Reminds us that we labor and strive because we’ve put our hope in THE Living God, who is the Savior of all people. And that we are to teach this. Be disciplined to read your Bible with your child every day. There are children’s Bibles, and children’s devotionals, and there is nothing wrong with those, but might I suggest reading strictly from the Bible. The NLT is very easy to understand, and you can pause and explain as you go along.

3. Deuteronomy 6:5-9 and 11:19 tells us to Teach the Word to your children. Talk about it wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about it from the time you get up in the morning until you fall into bed at night. Basically look for teachable moments where you can apply the Bible to life. You can use your own experiences or even things you see on TV, the news, or things you see in the lives of friends. Talk about it as often as you can. Remember what I said NOT to do. We aren’t using the Bible to condemn. We aren’t pointing out sins in their friends and shaming their friends. But we can show what the Bible says about certain topics that come up.

Although I do not own these products, I’ve heard amazing things about them. These products help find scripture that would line up with topics of everyday life. Check out Parenting with Scripture  by Kara Durbin or head over to www.virtuetrainingbible.com and build your own topical Bible. And of course you can always Google “What does the Bible say about ________”. (or ask Siri, or Alexa, or whatever electronic that answers your random questions). I teach this tool to my kids and now they can find scripture for whatever they are looking for.

4. Lastly, Scriptural instruction isn’t enough. Galatians 5:1 tells us to be imitators of God. Role modeling the Christian life, and your willingness to read and DO what the Bible says will go a long way! We all make mistakes, and we all know that God forgives, redirects, and guides us time and time again. Be real with that Tenacious Child of yours, be patient as God is patient (and even remind them of that). You can model this with simple scripts “I’m trying really hard to glorify God today, so I’m going to leave you to your fit while I go cool down.” or When things are stressful for you and good for them, you can say, “Will you please pray for Mama? I’m really struggling using my fruit of the Spirit. Will you pray that I can be strong in Jesus and use self-control during this stressful moment I’m having?”

If you do not already have a personal Bible Reading practice, now is the time to start. It’s powerful. I’m not a morning person, but I’ve been getting up early and getting into the Word more and more lately and it’s doing wonders in my life. Waiting until things are in full swing then reaching for my Bible hasn’t been working! But getting up just 30 minutes early was a great thing in my life. Search for plans on the app Youversion… or on Bible.com (they are the same!). But ultimately, just READ the Word. For more in-depth study, I HIGHLY suggest David Guzik’s commentary on Enduringword.com.   The Word of God is a living breathing lifeline! I challenge you to start reading today. Please email if you need help getting started! And let someone know you’re starting! Accountability is an amazing thing!

thepastorswifeslife@gmail.com

Join us on The Tenacious Child support Group on Facebook.

Read more about the Tenacious Child here.

Tenacious Tuesday: All over the Place

I have a lot on my plate today (and yesterday). I’ll be the first to admit, I need my man! When he is out-of-town, I notice, and lament! He left yesterday and we have covered 310 miles in two days dealing with all things unplanned. From broken bones to broken vehicle to surprise Tuesday Night plans, the past 48 hours have been a blur. And most of that time was spent in a car with bored children as I toted them to 5 different towns.

Life doesn’t always go as planned. Sometimes things are all in place and you can sit back and breathe deeply and feel just so content with the ways things are going. And other times life throws us so many curve balls we don’t even know where to aim to hit them!

So I sit here, in the quietness of my house munching on candy corn and sipping some McDonald’s coffee… 22050824_10155853326664430_1950326624_oat 9pm reflecting  on this day  these days.

Despite waking early, doing some school work with my older two, jetting off to finish school in a Tires Plus store, getting home just in time to get some much needed chores done, then running off to another activity where I got extremely lost (which just heaps mounds of anxiety on me) and getting home just in time for kids’ bedtime… I think I can say we had a good day. So I shocked myself and I sit here and wonder what did I do? My kids were cooped up the car almost all day… and most of yesterday, too as we tracked down an arm brace for a broken arm… and yet… we did pretty good!

Please don’t think I’m bragging. Well, I am… but not about myself and how great I did (I really felt the day was out of control!), but I’m bragging on my God, and the power of His Word.

I titled today’s Tenacious Tuesday “All over the place” because I feel that’s been my week, and my mind lately. As I was trying to come up with a theme for posting this week I just couldn’t decide between posting about the power of prayer or the power of the Word. And although I’d like to dive deeper into each one of those, today my mind just can’t narrow it down… and I don’t have to. They go hand in hand.

My weekly verse is Philippians 4:8. I can’t believe how often this verse has come up this week and it’s only Tuesday!

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

The previous verses talk about prayer… another main theme in my life right now… but I read this verse and think, “How can I do this? How can I think of these things when so much takes up my thoughts.”
How can we fix our thoughts on things that are true and noble and right and pure when the world is so opposite? How can we think of things that are lovely and admirable when we are lost in a town we don’t know and kids are screaming and giggling shrill giggles in the back of the van? What if our plans are changed into things that aren’t excellent or praiseworthy? HOW are to we think about such things?

Well, we worry about nothing but pray about everything. We look for the peace that comes only from Him, and we dwell in it. We turn our negatives into positives just by going to the Lord in prayer. We stop dwelling on how our day didn’t go as planned… and we start dwelling in the one who has our steps ordered!

We pray… and we read His Word. The next verse says,

 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Whatever you have learned… So you go back to the Word, and you go over what you’ve learned… and you put it into practice.

I homeschool and multiple times a day I hear, “But that’s hard!” as if that should be a valid excuse for not doing long division, or spelling the challenge words, or perfecting cursive writing (yes, we still teach it!). Well, since when does something being difficult mean we stop trying? Sometimes we just DO IT!

It’s hard to put the things we’ve learned into practice. Perhaps you haven’t actually learned it, perhaps you haven’t “by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, presented your requests to God”. And because you haven’t, you feel all over the place.

This morning I had a 10a appointment to get my tire fixed… we had 45 min to get there, but when I got to the van, the tire was flat. I drove slow to the gas station and spent 15 minutes airing up that tire. I wanted to cry. I needed my man, he wasn’t there! I whined, I got frustrated, and by the time I was done, I was in pain from gripping that stupid air hose! But I got in the van, 15 min later than we needed to leave for the appointment and said, “Dear Jesus, thank you for this van! Thank you that airing up this tire will get us to our appointment. Now, Jesus, please take this worry from me, get us there safely, prompt me if I’m being unsafe, and guide the rest of our day.”

I made a choice. I stopped whining. I let go of the frustration. I gave my anxiety of being late over to God and when we got there, my van went straight in to be worked on! *It was even done in 30 min!

When I drove aimlessly around an unfamiliar town searching for the place I was supposed to be I was FULL of anxiety. I yelled “WHERE AM I!” one too many times. I felt frustrated at the lack of direction I was given, and I felt overwhelmed by the possibility of missing an event. And I pulled over, bowed my head and asked God, “Will you give me peace?” It was a simple prayer, but my aim was to think of something praiseworthy. And I looked up and could see my destination in the distance. It took me 2 tries to get to it… but I made it (and the event was wonderful!).

I may feel all over the place, but I know God is still on the throne, there to give me peace that surpasses all understanding.

So, what does this have to do with our tenacious kids? Well, I guess I just started writing, and I left it to God to take this blog post where it needed to go… and I suppose I never mentioned these tenacious ones… but, I can see where it still applies. We can set the example. We can calm their storm by showing them to fix their thoughts on things that won’t bring stress and anxiety.

And parents of tenacious children feel “all over the place” often. So, what will you choose? May I suggest something true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy?

If you’d like to join us on our journey with The Tenacious Child… find out what it’s all about here or send me a request to join our Facebook group here. We don’t have to do this life alone. A New Design (2)

The Tenacious Child

I would like to introduce you to “Tenacious Tuesday”. I’m fully aware that today is Wednesday, but when you have THAT child, and you don’t always get to do exactly what you want to do.

First… let me explain THAT child. My goal is never to speak to ill of ANYONE  or cause you to think less of them. I do not share this information without the consent of my child that I speak of. I also hate the term THAT child. I feel that if I were to speak to her in this way, she would lose hope that she can conquer this difficult time… so, again, with her permission, we’ll use that phrase until I get to the point where I’ve fully explained who THAT child is. **Just beware that there will be many disclosures within these posts.

Ok… back to THAT child. THAT child is the child that you struggle with the most. It may be your only child, it may be your oldest, or youngest, or like us, one of the middle. But it’s the kid that takes what you know about child rearing and throws it out the window… but not before ripping it to shreds, stomping on it and screaming at you for believing you knew anything at all. It’s the kid that has days, or unfortunately even weeks, where the only peace you get is when they sleep.

Don’t get me wrong, these kids are amazing. Mine is smart, SO caring, hilarious, and I can honestly tell she has a huge desire to please God. She loves church, she loves worship, she reads her Bible and I can visually see how she tries to put it in action. But she struggles. Her temper gets the best of her and her rage goes out of control.

I have 4 kids. My first was strong-willed. I read James Dobson’s Strong Willed Child at least 4 times by the time the kid was 5. So I was pretty convinced I knew what I was doing, and how to handle the “strongest of strong-willed” children. My 2nd child is strong willed, but it’s so  minute in comparison.

And just when a mom thinks she’s got it, #3 comes along to prove you wrong. She was such a sweet and loving and quiet baby. She was the perfect fit to our lives. Her brother started Kindergarten (homeschooled) the year she came, and she just melded into the “classroom” with ease. So naturally I felt like I could handle more kids, and by the time #4 came, my beautiful calm baby became the most energetic, high maintenance, and stubborn child I had. She loves just as hard! Basically she does everything at a much higher volume than we had ever seen. What a thrill!

It’s just such a struggle for her to have such huge emotions… she loves big, she angers big. And it’s such a struggle as her parents to parent THAT child. I love her, I want her to excel. I want to foster those super sweet, super loving, super smart, and super hilarious moments… but have to learn how to first maneuver around the super tantrums, super hurt feelings, super monster anger, and it’s just.SO.HARD!

So… back to this phrase, “THAT CHILD”. She told me she didn’t like being THAT child. And I squeezed her tight and told her that with God’s help she was going to no longer see herself as (wish you could hear my tone of voice here) “THAT CHILD” (said in a negative way… “THAT angry child, THAT naughty child, THAT tiresome child”) but she’d see herself as I see her…  “THAT child” (said in a positive, cheerful  voice… “That amazing little girl! That sweet friend. That loving child!”). And so, I want to change THAT child to TENACIOUS Child. Hence the “Tenacious Tuesday”.

Screenshot 2017-09-13 at 2.49.08 PM

I’ve been searching for near 7 years for the correct phrase to describe a child like mine. Strong willed was not quite strong enough. And many other words or phrases sounded so negative. You see, we do struggle. We have a lot of hard days. I cry and pray A.LOT as I try to figure out how to parent her, how to remain sane, and how to show her I won’t give up on her. And to find this word, to study its meaning, brings me to my knees before God. I can TOTALLY see this in her.

Synonyms for Tenacious:
Determined, persistent, spunky (AMEN!!), steadfast, strong-willed, unswerving, iron, obstinate, persevering, purposeful, solid, unforgettable (YES!), UN.SHAKEABLE (Please, God!)

I found myself shouting, Yep! Yes! This is SO HER!!! Then I had to look up “Obstinate”. stubbornly refusing to change one’s opinion or chosen course of action, despite attempts to persuade one to do so… very difficult to change or overcome.

I stopped. I prayed. “Lord, is this ever so true! Guide me, teach me, and help me be creative in overcoming.” And within the very second of finishing my prayer I saw how positive this could be in her walk with God. I could see how strong her will has to be to make it in this ever darkening world. And I added, “Lord, please let her not be overcome. Let her stand on her course of action, YOU, and YOUR WILL despite the world’s attempts to persuade her any other way.

And so… here we are. I’d like to take time each week to share her with the world. She wants to help with this portion of this blog. She’d like to share some of her thoughts on here. She knows this is a struggle, and she prays daily for the fruits of the spirit to be evident in her life. (This girl… she can rattle off all 9 fruits and what they mean! She has studied them on her own, and even knows which one she needs more of as she faces issues that causes her big emotions to come out… folks, she’s SEVEN!!! What a TENACIOUS one I have!!).

Please come back on Tuesdays, see how we handle these Big emotions with a Big God, and join in on the conversation on Facebook. Click here to request to be in our new group called “The Tenacious Child”.

I look forward to seeing what God will be doing in and through us!

Are You Under Construction?

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My little town is going through some major construction projects. Almost every road is torn up. We are getting new water pipes (or whatever their called) and roundabouts, and… and … and… Whatever the reason is… the construction is annoying. I can’t go my normal route. And just when I figure out a new way, they tear up that road, too. Construction is not convenient! This picture above is about 50 meters from my front door. And it’s creeping closer. Construction! It’s too close to home! But it is needed. There are huge benefits to getting new water pipes (I hear the old ones were BAD!), and a smoother highway.

I snapped this picture on my walk to church last Sunday. It reminded me of the lesson I was teaching in our Sunday School class.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says speaking about how different Christians should be, “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone, the new life has begun.”

These roads they are working on… they are GONE! They aren’t filling in some pot holes, they are digging up the old, and laying down the new. They’re new shapes, different sizes, and hopefully altogether BETTER!

When we become Christians we need to be changed! Our lives need to go through a major overhaul. Earlier in 2 Corinthians, Paul reminded the Corinthians that they should have died to their old selves and old lives and that they should no longer live for themselves, instead they will live for Christ, who died for them. He challenged them, and us, to change our hearts and minds because now we KNOW God and should act accordingly. We are a new person, the old life is gone… Has your new life begun?

Being a new creation doesn’t mean that we are perfect. It means that we are changed and that we are being changed. When a Christian becomes a Christian they are changed in that instant. However, if that’s all the change that happens… it’s not enough. 

Our street has had potholes for the entire time we’ve lived here. They come and put some filler in it, pat it down and tada… it’s still a pot hole, it’s just a filled in pot hole. It takes about 3 months and the road is just where it was before. There was no major work done, and the fix only “fixed” it for a short time. It’s a never-ending job!

The same with our lives. We must be under construction on a continuous basis. No matter what state you live in there will be a running joke that says something along the lines of ” In (Insert your state here) there are two seasons… Winter and Construction” I’m not sure what the southern states say other than winter, but we can all agree that Construction is a never-ending project. I hope you can see where I’m going here…

When God is the Lord of your life, your life should be a never-ending construction zone.

This is not just “turning over a new leaf” or “getting our act together”. It is a continuous process that occurs in a Christian’s life. If we are not allowing this in our Christian lives, we are in a bad way. Have you ever run over pot hole after pot hole after pot hole on a road unattended???? This IS how your life is when it goes untouched by God.

In Ephesians 4: 22-24 we are told to put off . . . the old man and to put on the new man which was created according to God, in righteousness and true holiness

If we look the same as we did before we became a Christian, it’s time to ask God to begin construction in your life. If you look the same as you did a year ago in your walk with God… you’re already well overdue for some major construction.

Construction isn’t comfortable. It can even be annoying. But God isn’t content with you staying where you are… and neither should you be.

I expressed to my Sunday School class that as a mother of young children (and one almost teenager), I feel challenged on a regular basis to do better. I’m being watched. And sometimes mimicked. So I have these 4 reflections of myself running around, and more times than not, it’s not what I want to see. So I seek God and I seek to change those sins. If I’m struggling with anger towards my kids, or a critical spirit, or apathy, or complacency… whatever bad habit I see in myself, I begin to pray. I pray that kindness would prevail, that my perspective would change, that passion is restored, or that God would give me motivation. I pray and I seek Him. I read His word, I look for specific scriptures to aid in my change. I read articles from other trusted Christians who have been there. I listen to sermons… and I go back to pray. I begin to use my self-control so I can put into practice what I’m learning. Why? Because I know that if I don’t let the construction happen, I’ll be no better than a crumbled road that’s been untouched for years, crumbling far beyond recognition. If I want to be used, I must undergo the work it takes. I can’t just keep going my normal route, God needs to put detours in my way so I can finally get on the right track with Him and those around me.

This “lesson” had been on my heart for a few weeks before I spoke to my Sunday School class about it, and isn’t this just God, that morning, my husband preached along the same lines. He doesn’t share his sermons with me, and I prefer it that way. So when I teach in Sunday School, I just LOVE when it lines up with the day’s sermon. **This is another huge indicator that God is trying to do a work in your life… when he repeats the same message in different ways in a short span of time**

So Pastor spoke continuing in his journey through the Bible on Joshua 1. He spoke about how our nation can honor God. This is the best part of the sermon…

“Our nation is not going down the tubes because Trump is president, or because Obama was president. Our nation is not going down the tubes because congress drags its collective foot in getting things done. Our nation is not going down the tubes because the Supreme Court makes decisions we don’t agree with. Our nation is not going down the tubes because ungodly groups seem to have such power and notoriety.
Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so-called Christians are content with simply showing up to Sunday morning service. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to read, meditate and act on the word of God. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to live in the power of the Spirit. Our nation is going down the tubes because millions of so called Christians don’t want to be holy… or different from those who don’t believe and follow Jesus Christ.
Our nation needs to see miracles. Our nation needs to see Christians act differently than the rest of the nation. Our nation needs revival, and this isn’t going to happen by an act of Congress or Supreme Court. IT HAS TO HAPPEN IN EACH OF US!!!”

Change starts in US. We all can agree that our nation, our schools, our town, our family needs to change… but we have to believe that the change starts in us. And we need to be seeking out that change. We need to start asking God to change us, to show us where he’d like to fine tune us, what pot holes he’d like to fill, and if need be, where he can begin the demolition process of our construction.

Very quickly, and simply (although not all our changes may be simple…) Here are your 3 steps to begin that change…

1.  Screenshot 2017-07-03 at 3.03.08 PMRead your Bible! Read it so much that it becomes part of your conversation. Joshua says to not let it depart from your mouth.

2. Put it into your mind. Meditate on it day and night. Think about what you’ve read and how you can put it into practice… because… See #3

3. DO WHAT IT SAYS. The Bible has SO much to it, that each time you read it, you should be challenged in a new way to change.

We’ll never arrive until we see Jesus face to face! So if your reading this, that means you are not in Heaven… and you are still a candidate for being under construction. So, are you? What holes is God trying to fill in your life? Is God doing something major? Will you allow his bulldozer to come in and tear your old life away and lay down a new one? It may be hard, require a new path, or be down right annoying as you try to figure out this new route God is leading you on… But it is needed. There are huge benefits to getting a new life, and a smoother life at that.

 

Dear Guilt, I Quit

Guilt is such a short word for such a heavy burden. Once it’s heaped on, it gets heavier and heavier. It clouds our minds in such a way that begins to hinder our relationships, not just with people around us, but with God. Guilt pulls us to a level where we stop trying, or we try too hard. Guilt pushes us to close ourselves off, or opens us up to blaming others. Guilt is so heavy because it carries so much baggage with it: bitterness, loneliness, comparison, lies, and manipulation.

Let’s make today a new day and say good-bye to guilt.

First of all let’s set some things straight. Guilt is when you have ACTUALLY done something wrong. Specifically it is the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.

The problem is, that “implied” word. Sometimes people heap guilt onto someone who hasn’t even committed an offense. They accuse, they make snide comments, they throw around expectations that were never supposed to be met. These people work hard at trying to make you feel bad for this “offense”. But an even bigger problem is that we fall for it. We accept their accusations and their comments, and we allow ourselves to feel bad for not meeting their expectations. And we begin to dwell in the burden of guilt.239d1e39fb35431c39079a2e18c635ec

But did you know you don’t have to live in a constant struggle with guilt? Consider this…

Did you actually do something to offend? Did you commit a crime? Did you deliberately hurt someone? Did you accidentally offend?

Sometimes we do. Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we have a fender bender (or a full out crash!). Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us and we act or say things we shouldn’t do or say. Sometimes, we are completely unaware of it, but we hurt those we love.  And in these situations, we are guilty. But we don’t have to walk in guilt. We will mess up, we will offend. But we don’t have to live in a constant state of beating ourselves up. Don’t let guilt strike a blow to your heart.

Guilt isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it shows us where we’ve gone wrong. But once we fix that wrong. The guilt must be gone. Once you’ve apologized and done your part to make amends. You are no longer guilty. The only time you can use the word correctly is to acknowledge that you committed the crime. If you break a vase, you will be guilty of breaking that vase forever. However, you do not have to carry around the feelings of guilt forever. It’s time to say goodbye.

No one can make you FEEL anything… but you. Others can blame you, condemn you, de-friend you, and remind you of your wrong. But that is all they can do. You have to decide what you will do with their actions. Will you add it to the luggage you already carry around, or will you walk in freedom from guilt?

God does not condemn. Romans 8:1 says, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  So why do we walk in it? Why do we take the sins of others (yes, they are in the wrong, and outside of God’s will, when they do not forgive your wrong doing!) and allow it to drag us down?

Often times we listen to what others are saying and we become offended, bitter, sad and angry. We lash out at others for “making us feel guilty”. But in reality, No one can make you feel guilty. You only allow it. So next time stop and ask yourself, “Did I do something wrong?” “Is God convicting me of something?” “Am I guilty?” “What changes does God want me to make?”

Right your wrong, and walk in freedom.

If you stood a friend up for the 5th time and they just won’t stop talking about how upset they are. Apologize and try to be on time. If they can’t accept that, let that be THEIR problem, not yours. If you tend to be harsh towards your neighbor and God is calling you repent and change your attitude… then change your attitude, be obedient… but don’t walk in condemnation! Did you dent the car? What will guilt do to fix the dent? Yep, NOTHING!

Let conviction draw you closer to God. Rejoice when God points out ways you can improve. Let go of guilt. Quit living under the condemnation of other non-perfect people. There is freedom when you let guilt go.

And all those who LOVE to send people on fantastic guilt trips… STOP! Only the Holy Spirit can convict. It was never our job. If God wants to use you to lead someone to repentance, He will lead you down a gentle and respectful path, one you should tread lightly. Pointing out someone’s faults and mistakes is not of God, and is unbecoming of a decent human being.

As a Pastor’s wife, this is a battle I have to make a conscious decision to fight. I know I don’t do everything right. And I know I will mess up even when I’m trying to do some things right. But all I can do is try harder. I have to remember that I answer to God, and no one else. Guilt is too heavy a burden to bear. Be encouraged to quit. There is a better life to live!

Plug In: Lesson 5 of 5

Wrapping up the 5 lessons I’ve learned in the past 5 years as Pastor’s wife, I’ve saved the best, the most important, for last. In a society where every other article is asking you to unplug, to interact with one another, to build relationships, I want to suggest you draw away and plug in. Not to contradict the sentiments of unplugging, but if we don’t plug in, nothing else will matter.

You see without plugging in, you will never be able to make the changes in your life that God wants you to make (Read more on lesson 1 here).

Without plugging in you will have a much harder time helping the church grow. (See lesson 2 here).

Without withdrawing and plugging in, you may struggle as you face conflict in your relationships. (See lesson 3 here)

And without seeking time to plug in, you may miss your opportunities to point others to Jesus. (See lesson 4 here).

I’m not talking about taking your issues to Facebook, Twitter, or any other form of social media. I’m not advocating calling your best friend for a gab fest (although those can be helpful). I’m talking about prayer. (I’d imagine you already knew that… but play along, will ya?)

Lesson 5: Plug in to God

This is a lesson I’m still learning. I’ve been studying and tweaking my prayer times and the way I pray and I still don’t think I have it down right. Life can get very busy. But, we have to remember that all of us are too busy NOT to pray.

David Jeremiah did a study on the Lord’s Prayer all through the month of May. I highly suggest you go listen. Click the link http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/turning-point/ and search under the archives in the month of May 2017. In this series he tells of a drama his church did to drive the point of prayer home. The drama team had set up a scene of heaven. When a man arrived he saw God standing in a room with a huge filing cabinet with many many  drawers. The man asks God what it is. God replies that each person has a drawer then points out the man’s drawer. It opens, extending very far into the room. The man leans forward in extreme curiosity and asks, “What is all of that!?”

God replies, “Everything I wanted to give you but you never asked to receive”. What a horrible idea to get to heaven and realize all the things that could have been yours had you only sought after the only one that could give.

Prayer is such a powerful thing. It can change us from the inside out, it can turn circumstances that we didn’t think would ever turn around. And it can draw us closer to God in such a powerful way.

If prayer is such an important aspect of life, why is it so hard to make it a daily habit? 

Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been in church ministry for 20 years. When I was single I did the church’s kids ministry. Once I was married, I helped Pastor in youth ministry. Then we took an associate’s position where we did youth and children’s… but becoming a lead pastor of a small rural church has required us to be children’s, youth, and lead… and it’s SO MUCH MORE than what we’ve ever done before. To be effective, we have to be plugged in to God. We have to withdraw, away from everyone else and spend time in prayer.

As a homeschooling mom of 4 children and a wife of a pastor, some days start and end busy. If I wrote it all down in hourly timeslots, there would be very little time for prayer. However, those days where I fail to make room… those are the days our school days did not go well. Those were the days I snapped at my husband for small infractions. Those are the days that ministry wears me out more than normal. Prayer was needed. Prayer is the fuel that drives everything else we do in life. Without it, we are only operating on a small portion of our potential.

1) Our Father, who is in heaven, hallowed be your name.
2) Your kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven.
3) Give us this day our daily bread.
4) Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.
5) Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.
6) For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever and ever AMEN

This prayer lays out all we need in order to get through our day in prayer. When Jesus gave it to us as an example, He did not desire for us to memorize it and recite it… 1 min prayer then be done. Instead he modeled for us the parts of prayer that are important to Him.

The actual amount of time in prayer is between you and God. A mother with a newborn will not have hours of uninterrupted time to devote to prayer, and God understands that. We all have our own unique schedules, personalities, and ways of entering in. But WHAT we pray and HOW we pray is important.

  1. We give honor. We must take time out each day and bring God honor. Our days will lack a closeness to God if we are unwilling to take the time to give honor and glory to one who made the day possible. Putting God in His rightful place reminds us who we live for each day.
  2. We seek His will daily. Ministry is hard. And success is not measured in normal man-made ways. But understanding that God’s will for us and for Crossroads church may not be the same will as the inner-city multi-compass church is golden. You don’t need to worry so much about what God has for someone else, you only need to seek His will for you, here on Earth, as it is in heaven. Heaven is perfect, and so is God’s will for your life. The only difference is in heaven the hindrances are gone. So take time to seek for God’s will for your life, then ask that all those hindrances will be taken care of.
  3. Bring your needs, your wants, your ideas, your fears, your anxieties to God in prayer. And since you JUST prayed for His will not yours, those needs will be met, those wants will be under God’s plan. He will tweak your ideas, He’ll calm your fears, He’ll throw your anxieties as far as the east is from the west! He will give you all you need (and he understands that we are needy people!)
  4. Take time daily confess your sins. Be specific. The more we bring out, the more we are able to confront. Unconfessed sin weighs heavy. Get rid of it, lay it at Jesus’ feet. He already knows your sin and he still chose to die on a cross in order to forgive them!  Then, just as He forgives us, we need to forgive those who have wronged us. What a powerful ministry we can have if we hold no grudges. What a freeing life we will live if we truly have no ill feelings for another person! What a wonderful thing to be forgiven and then extend that forgiveness to others.
  5. The world is unrelenting! There are many things… and people… who do not want you to succeed. Temptation is huge. Every day, we need to be praying that God guides us away from those temptations. The “evil one” is out to kill, and steal, and destroy your life. Sounds dramatic, but little by little he desires to pull you away from God and His plan. We need to be asking God to guide us away from those temptations and away from the evil one.
  6. And then just as we began, we turn it back to how wonderful God is. This is HIS kingdom we live in. This is HIS power that lives within is. And it is for HIS glory that we live this life. And what we pray today, will make an impact forever and ever!

Amen!?

How you pray is up to you. Whether you get up early for some time alone, or you pray every two hours while the baby nurses; Whether you head to your office before all the other employees arrive, or you journal during your lunch break, just make it a daily activity and begin to seek God. The changes you see will shock you!

Myth: God never answers my prayers!

I’ve believed this many times. And there are still some prayers that have not been answered… at least not MY way. But when I read God’s word, it just simply is not true. God DOES hear. There are some circumstances that may hinder (a deliberate sin that you’re aware of but refuse to let go of, or unbelief, or wrong motives), for the most part, the more we pray, the more sin we get rid of, the stronger our belief becomes, and the purer our motives become. So keep seeking, keep knocking, and He WILL answer (even if the answer is no… or wait!)

There is one prayer that is more important than any other prayer you could ever pray and that is the prayer to accept Jesus’ gift of salvation. If you have never made a personal decision to follow Jesus, this is the first prayer you need to pray.

You can receive Christ as your Savior right now, this moment! You don’t have to be in a church or special place, or have the help of a minister or priest. You can pray now, wherever you are. God is listening. Tell Him in your own words that you are sorry for your sins and that you want to receive Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord. Ask God to help you change your heart and life. It’s your prayer He wants to hear. You can pray the following prayer, but it is not enough just to say the words. You must mean it from your heart:

“God, I know I have sinned. I believe Your Son, Jesus Christ, died to take the punishment for my sin. I believe Jesus came back to life from death and has the power to forgive my sin and change my life. Forgive me. Come into my life and change me. I want to live for You and follow Your plan for my life. I believe You have forgiven me, and I thank You for hearing my prayer, in Jesus’ name.”

God has forgiven you if you prayed this prayer and meant it from your heart.  Now you can begin the life He has planned for you! Step by step God will lead you to what He has chosen for you. He will show you the way to live and will teach you each day as you grow spiritually and become the person He planned for you to be.

If you do not have a church body and you are in the St. James, MN area please join us at Crossroads Church Sunday mornings at 10a. 721 Weston Ave, St. James.

If you are not in the area, email me at pastorswifeslife@gmail.com and I can find you a church in your area.

Please contact me if you said that prayer of salvation at the end of this post. I’d love to rejoice with you!