Controlling Your Tongue: Family Gatherings According to the Book of James

As I mentioned when I started this series, my poor friend had to ask a guest to leave her home because the guest resorted to name calling when they didn’t like what someone said. Whether they took the words too much to heart, or they read in another meaning into the words that were said, or they didn’t like the tone… whichever it was, my friend set boundaries and decided that name calling was not going to be tolerated and immediately asked the offended person, who reacted poorly to her perception of events, to leave the gathering. It did escalate, but I’d like to stop you here to make my next point in the series, “Family Gatherings According to the Book of James.” You can read the first 2 from last week here and here.

There will be times where what you felt was a simple joke does not enter in the ears of everyone as funny. There WILL be times that you were misunderstood or heard from a specific lense the listener has been looking at you through. How we respond to that is key. The other person may not respond, but rather react in a negative way and the potential quarrel is teetering.

According to James, we should resist the devil who is squirming his way into ruining a conversation, a gathering, a day, or a relationship.

It may not be a light hearted joke, it could be a political opinion. It could be a falsely remembered memory. It could be the way a relative handles their children (or doesn’t). Whatever the case, our goal is to resist the devil who is coming to kill your fun, steal your joyous gathering, and destroy your relationship. Jesus is not glorified in the midst of quarrelling. So when the hint of an argument pops up, resist the urge to indulge. There are a few things that James points out that if not dealt with properly, can fuel the fire of drama.

1. Controlling your tongue is the number one way to curb the disfunction and bring God glory in the midst of chaos. “If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.” (1:26) Our tongue isn’t easy to tame, but James tells us it’s important and gone untamed is powerful and dangerous. “And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.” (3:6) Holding your tongue and choosing words carefully is key to every interaction we have within family gatherings. And if we can do this one thing, the rest will be much easier.
2. James 4:11 is another key to maintaining a peaceful gathering. Resist the urge to speak evil against each other or to criticize and judge. We all live our lives differently, and sometimes it’s obvious someone is making wrong choices for their lives. However, a family gathering is not a roast, or an intervention, or a bullying session. “Don’t grumble about each other, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged.” (5:9). We are all a work in progress. Our judgemental comments are not exempt from judgement from God anymore than Uncle’s lack of motivation to provide for his family (or whatever other ugly thing you feel needs to be said to him). Keep the devil away by choosing not to criticize or grumble about others.
3. Since we’re discussing the harm our tongues can bring, let’s discuss the issue of Gossip. If you can tame your tongue and not criticize, tame it also to not indulge in gossip. What Auntie did last year that no one approved of, does not need to be discussed at a holiday gathering (or any other setting).  Resist the gossip table, and watch Satan flee.

Many of these issues (grumbling about, criticizing, gossipping) come from a deep rooted jealousy issue. James confronts this “What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?…  You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war…” (4:1, 2) Something about jealousy causes people to fight for the higher position. They do this by making snide remarks, harsh joking, poking fun, or downright mean acts. James 3:14 is spot on when it says, “But if you are bitterly jealous and there is selfish ambition in your heart, don’t cover up the truth with boasting and lying.” Be joyous for another person’s success, don’t let jealousy and selfish ambition (trying to look better) cause you to embellish, stretch or alter the truth. Learn to praise God for another’s success. “Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father” (1:17).

We aren’t going to be perfect at this. We just may think we’re saying something all in fun, and depending on your family, and the people you are gathering with, that may be perfectly fine. But if you cross that line (set by something one else, the one you didn’t even see there), be quick to apologize, as my friend did. Even if you didn’t see the offense in it, be sensitive and humble and respond in love. Decide that your relationship is far more important than being right, proving a point, or correcting someone’s faults.

Set boundaries for when someone else is NOT choosing relationships and is purposefully trying to sabotage your gathering. There is no reason to continue to let someone insult you, instigate fights, and try their best to cause divisions within the family. You are within you gracious rights to ask someone to leave who is not respectful and can not accept an apology but rather resorts to verbal (or physical) abuse. Your goal, as I’ve said before, is to glorify God while pointing those at the gathering towards Him. When someone refuses that, and can not keep from reacting in anger and is bent on ruining the family unity, you can RESPOND in love but still firmly ask them to leave for the greater good. Just remember steps 1-3 though after the person has left.

Controlling our tongue brings glory to God. Pray ahead of time when you know you’ll be gathering with those that you’ve had a hard time with in the past. Ask God to help you respond in a way that can bring peace and not chaos. Be mindful of those you are gathering with. If they are passionate about something you are against, maybe avoid that conversation. Ask God to guide your tongue and use it to build others up, make others laugh (but not at the expense of someone else), and point others to Christ. Silence is better than snide remarks.

Let laughter abound, you’ll enjoy the gathering, yourself, and your friends and family much more.

An Inward Look: Family Gatherings According to the Book of James

When extended family gathers you begin to combine different family dynamics all under one roof. When the six of us join my siblings and their families and our parents, there can be upwards of 23 people in one living space. I’m always so filled with joy when the night is over and we all head to our hotels or homes and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I may have a headache as well due to the pure sound volume of so many people but my heart is happy.

The volume alone can be overwhelming to some families,  not to mention when everyone has their own set of values, opinions, and priorities. In an ideal world, we would easily be accepting and respectful as we meld those differences for a day; but we all know it doesn’t always happen. Especially when we gather with those who may not share our faith.

I’ve been going through the book of James in order to give us a guide for how to manage the holidays and bring God glory all at the same time. You can see yesterday’s post here.

Today, let’s discuss what others see in YOU. Like I said yesterday, most all conflicts can be subdued by ONE person choosing not to react. We can only be in charge of ourselves. So it’d be wise to turn inward these last few weeks before christmas and ask God to reveal to you areas you need work on.

Before you finish chapter 1 of James, the book is reminding you that living a pure lifestyle is key to managing the things that come your way. Spending time drawing close to God will help you as you face holiday gatherings. James reminds us not to just listen to God’s word, but to be doers of the Word. (1:22) When you walk into the chaos, if you claim to be a Christian, shouldn’t people recognize that in you? Shouldn’t a person who professes that they love Jesus and follow Him respond different than Addy Addict or Tommy Trouble Maker?  “What good is it, dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don’t show it by your actions?” (2:14) When chaos ensues, will you use the wisdom God has given you, or join in and add your own drama? “Can that kind of faith save anyone?” (the rest of verse 14).

As Christians, our goal is to point others to Christ, so it is our responsibility to handle the stresses in a God-honoring way. “If you are wise and understand God’s ways, prove it by living an honorable life, doing good works with the humility that comes from wisdom.” (3:13)

So, the second thing after seeking God’s wisdom (see yesterday’s post) is to begin to draw close to God so we can behave in such a way as to draw others to Christ. You must  “humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, and purify your hearts…” (4:7,8)

We’ll never be the light to our loved ones if we behave like the darkness.

If you tend to respond to Negative Nancy by rolling your eyes, or giving your best snarky come back, pray that God will give you a way to turn things positive while sharing love to the hurt that causes the negativity. If you struggle holding your tongue when Judgemental Judy gives more than her two cents, leave the room and pray for peace in your heart so you can return later with the shield of Christ.

And if you find yourself in a situation where you must ask an abusive guest to leave, and it doesn’t make you ungodly to have to do so, pray now that you RESPOND in love and not react adding to the drama.  There just may be times where you have to leave or ask someone to leave in order to keep the peace. This doesn’t mean you can’t do it in a godly way.

Make the goal of your family gathering to glorify God. Have fun in the process, play games, chat about memories, laugh it up, sit close, hug lots, and enjoy the moments together. But before you ever set foot in the door, ask God to purify your heart so you can minister to others.

Check back tomorrow for a more indepth way to do just that.

Lord, it is my number one goal to point others to you. So I pray that you will please reveal to me areas that I need to clean up so that your light can shine bright when I attend family gatherings (and always). Please give me strength to respond in love when conflicts arise. Help me to say only loving and peace giving things or show me when to stay quiet. Protect me against insults or judgements that are hurled my way, let them roll off my back so I can respond with truth and life. Help me to set boundaries and carry them through in a godly way. Basically, Jesus, YOU shine through me during stressful times at a family gathering.

Responding in Love: Family Gatherings according to the Book of James.

Thanksgiving night I sat with our very small gathering, Grandpa snoozing to the left of me, Grandma listening to the chatter of my 8 year old’s endless story to the right of me, and in front of me my boys having the perfect wrestling match during the Thanksgiving football game. I was basking in the blessing of my family gathering when I got a message from someone who had just asked a guest in her home to leave for HITTING her. So it’s obvious that my scene isn’t the only family gathering scene out there.

Families can be messy. And maybe they don’t all end in physical altercations, but family gatherings at the holidays can be stressful, anxiety ridden, and the dread of the year. So how can we maneuver through them and come out on the other side with joy?

Although the Bible is full of verses that lead us to godly relationships, I’d like to look at just one small book, the book of James, to give us a guide to a successful holiday season. If you’ll join me this week, I’d like to do a series “Family Gatherings according to the Book of James”.  So check back in each day for a few more tips as to how you can enjoy your family this holiday season.

James jumps right into saying “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow..” (1:2,3) So before we really dig in here, let’s just stop and know that trials bring endurance. And when family gets messy, instead of dreading it, look forward to what it builds within you to endure.  “God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (1:12) God wants you to endure it; He wants you to triumph over it. And He has a purpose for letting you go through it. So, now we need to figure out HOW to endure it, HOW to get to the great joy, and HOW to let it grow. And James does not leave us hanging.

The first thing I feel we all need to do, and do it immediately, is pray. James 1:5 says that if we need wisdom, we should pray for it. And going into a messy Family gathering requires wisdom. We KNOW what we should do. We know HOW we should act; but when we pray for the wisdom that God gives, we learn what to DO with all the “right things” we know. We must walk into the holiday gatherings with wisdom. Don’t wait until the night before, begin today praying for peaceful gatherings, and wisdom for when they are not.

When you pray, don’t start off with, “Lord, You know how annoying Jimmy is!….” Instead ask God to help you see Jimmy as HE sees Jimmy. “Lord, give me compassion for Jimmy. Help me to be patient, and to love him past the things that annoy me.”

If you notice, verse 5 does NOT say, “If you need your brother to stop getting on your nerves you should ask God to give him social graces.” No, the verse is geared inward. What can I do to endure patiently? Most all conflicts can be subdued by ONE person choosing not to react.

So many “flaws” we see in others are just a matter of preference between people. So if we can begin to condition our minds to look past the differences and value the person because Jesus does, we can smile through even the most annoying character trait.

Pray ahead of time that YOUR heart towards your family is lined up with God’s will.

This is where responding and reacting come in, or I should say where their differences come in. When personalities clash, RESPOND in love don’t REACT in annoyance and make issues into problems.

Now, there’s that issue of the abusive family member. If you know there’s the possibility of their toxicity working hard to ruining a family gathering, by all means add to your prayers for yourself prayers for them.  Pray that Addict Addy stays clean and clear. Pray that Judgemental Judy doesn’t ruin the holiday. By all means, lift up Negative Nancy, and Trouble Maker Tommy that God would intervene in their lives and bring joy where they are lacking. But be sure that when the addict gets defensive, the judgemental begins to judge, the negativity rises, and the trouble begins to brew, that you RESPOND in a godly way, and refrain from REACTING in ways that can escalate the situation. Boundaries are important. No one should allow abuse in their home, or to their loved ones. And like the situation I mentioned at the beginning, there are times you have to ask loved ones to leave, or you have to decide not to share the holidays with certain family members, but it’s all done with the goal of glorifying God among your family gatherings.

Respond with Jesus in mind, it’s His birthday we’re celebrating anyway. And in order to endure to the end, refrain from reacting and pray. Begin that now.

Lord, we pray that you will be in the midst of our holiday celebrations with family and friends, even the friends and family that are not so easy to be in a room with. Help us to love them as you love them. Help us to set boundaries where boundaries need setting, and to do so with glorifying you in mind. Open our eyes to see the Holy Spirit among our gatherings and help us to respond in godly ways to conflict. Let your light shine through us to those we celebrate with.

How to Celebrate Without the Chaos

Yesterday I shared my heart about cherishing the moment within the Christmas season and why we need to stop and ponder the reason we celebrate. You can read that here.

If you read that post you may be wondering (or even pondering. HA!) HOW you can take a moment to celebrate in the midst of the chaos. Let me share a bit of what we’ve chosen to do over the past few years in order to bring more celebration and less chaos to our Christmas season.

For us the chaos begins with my daughter’s birthday around Thanksgiving. We try to cram it in before Thanksgiving, and if you know us you know we don’t cut corners on birthday parties, I’m pretty sure they are my 4 of my favorite things to do! My other daughter has a birthday within a week of the New Year, so our chaos goes from November 20th to January 4th… and I feel I need to have that January birthday party completely planned before the November one just so we don’t forget through the month of December.
For us the chaos comes in the form of a personal christmas party, a deacon christmas dinner, a women’s ministry christmas meal/gift exchange, a church kids program, the big church christmas lunch and party. We do an advent calendar with our kids to make each day special throughout the month. My birthday is smack dab in the middle, and our anniversary is January 1st! Sounds CRAZY CHAOTIC doesn’t it? But it’s not! I promise you, it’s not. Here’s my secret in a nutshell. We got rid of everything that caused more stress than fun. If we were stressed a little but didn’t neglect the bigger picture, that was okay. But the things we dreaded and caused stress without any reason other than obligation, we cut.

First we scheduled out our Christmas weeks at the beginning of November. If things weren’t able to be spaced in a way that kept the chaos at bay, we moved things around, or cut them out completely. We chose what was important, what their purpose was (ultimately to celebrate the birth of Christ by gathering with people we loved and wanted to share God’s love with) and eliminated things that weren’t top priority. Although our part-time jobs may put on a fabulous Christmas party, getting a sitter, buying the extra gift for the gift exchange, and moving other meaningful engagement around seemed to heap more stress than meaning into the season, so we let those go. We respectfully decided not to attend. It was nothing against the party themselves, or the people who were going to attend, it just simply didn’t fit into our priorities for the season.  (and perhaps that will change year to year). So

#1. Ask yourself what your priorities are. What should get more time and attention, and what can be skipped. Then actually decline things that don’t fit in. Remember saying yes to one thing means saying no to another. So if you are saying yes to a meaningful, non-stressed Christmas, you’ll need to say no to things that don’t fit.

We do a daily advent calendar with our kids. Starting on December 1st there are 25 Christmas activities we do to purposefully bring meaning to the season. In years past I was trying to go big and make everyday huge. I guess I thought that big and extravagant meant meaningful and impactful. However, all it did was create stress, work, and failed advent days. Although it’s purpose was good, to focus on the real reason we celebrate, it’s execution was an epic fail! So we simplified. It’s important to focus on Christ and the outreach that this season can bring, so we stuck with those basics. We only do one Random Act of Kindness each week. We read the Christmas story throughout, we make time for family movie nights where we can cuddle together and have family closeness. We discuss the elements of Christmas. We purposefully set aside moments to reflect on the awe-inspiring focal point of the season… Jesus.

#2. Plan ahead for quiet, meaningful moments to give yourself time to reflect on the WHYs of the season. **To do this, you have to do #1

Many years ago we had to make the decision not to participate in extended family gift exchange. We had already decided that with our kids we were going to downplay the gift aspect of Christmas anyway. But the extended family (Our siblings, and all of their kids) was growing way bigger than we could ever keep up with financially. So we asked that we choose other ways to celebrate instead of buying gifts. Gift giving is fun. It’s one of the biggest highlights of Christmas Day. Jesus was our ultimate gift, and giving gifts has always been a reflection of that and extending the “giving” spirit Jesus had. But the financial burden those gifts heap on the gift giver can suck the joy right out of the season. For our 4 children, they receive 3 gifts on Christmas. We model these gifts after the gifts the wise men gave to Jesus. Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. Our kids do not make a wish list. They can add anything they want to a birthday list, but for Christmas we focus on giving, not receiving. The gold gift is something fun that they’ll enjoy; A toy usually. The frankincense gift is something that will aid in their spiritual walk; Bible, devotional, Christian movie, Christian artwork. The myrrh gift is a gift for their bodies; usually clothing. They spend their own money and draw a sibling to buy for… again, to teach them about giving. We can not afford to give gifts to all our friends. With being the pastor of the church, we would just have too many friends to buy for. Instead we opt out of that type of gift giving and we host an informal christmas party where we cook goodies for our friends and make time to sit and BE PRESENT with them.

My sister hosts a really nice dinner for her friends as a gift. It may cost her and her husband some time, and a tad bit more to their grocery budget, but the gift is a fabulous meal and some good quality time. Gifts do not have to be material in order to be meaningful. Keep in mind that although giving is better than receiving you will soon receive the bills for all of those gifts!

#3 Give within your means. Be creative, but don’t stress. Plan ahead for your kids so you can catch an item they may love while it’s on sale. You can give and still teach your kids that it’s not the primary part of Christmas.

We typically host or prepare 4 Christmas parties. We have a personal one where we have a Christmas open house that is “come and go” in style. We invite people in all of our different areas of life. From our neighborhood, our church, our workplaces. We have a small intimate dinner as a gift to our deacons. I host the Women’s Ministry gathering and gift exchange. These three are in our home. The last one is the annual Christmas dinner at church following our kids church program. I love every single gathering. I love that we can have a large amount of people pass through our home. They don’t come at the same time, they don’t all leave at the same time, so I get the chance to talk to most without feeling like I left anyone out (Pastor’s wife’s problems!). I love our deacon dinner where we can express our thanks to an amazing leadership team! I love love love our women’s gathering. The giggles and fellowship is unmatched anywhere else! And I ADORE seeing our entire church family sharing a meal, and some fun games together. But hosting all these things can zap a person’s energy! To combat the stress that comes along with that, I do #1 (plan out all the events that are meaningful). Then I make my “needs” list. I make the shopping lists, the ingredients list, the gifts list all before Thanksgiving. By December 1st I have every meal we will eat for the rest of the year planned and the various grocery lists made. I can look at my calendar and know that if our Advent calendar is going to have us making christmas cookies, that I will have the christmas cookie ingredients. If the calendar says we have our church dinner the next day, then I know I already have dessert and side dish ingredients in the cupboard ready for the event. Gifts for various gift exchanges have already been planned out. When each gift can be bought within the budget is all planned… before Thanksgiving. This frees up the days for the fun of the season without the stress of not being prepared.

#4 Be prepared. Line up your events with the items you’ll need in advance so you’re prepared to enjoy and not stress. 

When we host a party, or attend a party, we want to fellowship. We want to socialize. We do not want to be standing over the stove while our guests are laughing and making memories. Nor do we want to attend a party where we never get to see the host. So if our party starts at 3, we have everything done and ready by 2:30/2:45 so we can greet our guests at the door, and socialize with them for the duration of the party. We also accept help, or ask for help so that we can all enjoy the party together. For our women’s gathering I will have ladies come and help me set up. I will also allow them help me clean up afterwards. If they are offering, they want to help. (if you don’t want to help, don’t offer! haha). We do not prepare the church food ourselves, we ask that everyone bring something to share. It’s more important to be together at christmas than to run around frazzled entertaining!

#5 Use time management so you can be present at your own parties. And accept and ask for help! Value relationship over perfection. Dismiss etiquette for friendships.

And lastly, take a deep breath, look around at every chance and praise God for the blessing. Again, if you can’t do that you need to revisit #1. If you hate Christmas caroling in the frozen tundra where your hands never get warm the rest of the season… and you can’t stop mid carol and capture a joyous moment… choose to skip the Christmas Caroling next year (can you tell this is not my favorite thing to do?!) Just as Mary sat and watched the festivities that first Christmas day, just as she decided to sit and ponder all these things, we, too should take the time amidst the chaos to marvel in all Christ has done for us. He came from heaven to earth to be our Way, our Life, our Savior. And for THAT, we celebrate!

#6- CELEBRATE… Celebrate by keeping Jesus the focal point. Bring Him glory this Christmas season.

The list can go on and on. But ultimately we mustn’t forget that the season should be a season of celebration of Jesus’s becoming Emmanuel, God with us. When we gather with friends and family it should be as a light shining for Jesus. When we offer gifts it should be to represent the gift of Jesus’ presence. When we partake of the Christmas festivities we should take the time to ponder just how blessed we are to be able to celebrate the gift of all gifts– Jesus

What are some ways you keep increase the celebration and decrease the chaos, I’d love to hear from you in the comments area.

 

Ponder this Season

Welcome to the Christmas Season! If you haven’t already attended a Christmas gathering, I’m sure within the next couple of days, you’ll have your ugly sweaters on, toting gifts for friends, co-workers, or even your mailman (don’t forget the mailman!). The wrapping paper will be strewn across every flat surface, the tape will be out (or missing!), and your nerves will be frazzled! If you’re like me, you’ve already hosted a christmas gathering (or two) and still have more in the weeks to come. So, now may be just the right moment to ask you… Are you enjoying the Christmas season? Do you dread it’s coming, praise it’s passing, or do you look forward to it only to see it whiz by in a busied blur of tinsel and tizzy? Do you ever stop and ponder the blessings of this season?

Let me remind of you of one of the most important Christmas story. Luke 2 says that once Jesus was born the shepherds were told of His miraculous birth and they came at once. After they saw the savior they just couldn’t keep their mouths shut about their amazement. They told everyone. It it seems that many came to see what the shepherds were so excited about. So, imagine introducing a new baby to the world and within such a short amount of time there’s a crowd there admiring your child.

I don’t know about other moms, but I wanted some alone time to bond with my baby before I opened the door to everyone and anyone to come and “oooohhh and awe” over them. But I wonder if Mary knew Jesus was to be shared. And so she entertained. She invited all those worshippers into her “Stall” with her brand new messiah child. And in the hustle and bustle of all that was happening Mary “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart” (Luke 2:19)

I’m sure Mary could have been overwhelmed. She could have tried to straighten the barn stall and manger to perfection level cleanliness. For that matter she could have turned everyone away since she only had a humble manger to entertain in. She could have stressed over whether or not the family had matching outfits fit for a worship session. She could have been frantic trying to prepare meals and presents and crafts to celebrate this most amazing event, the birth of her savior, her son… but she isn’t recorded as doing so. Instead she rested with Jesus in her arms and she stored the joy away in her heart.

I can picture her now. She, having just given birth, still recovering, but in that early stages of pure euphoria sits back and takes it all in. Her Son. They are worshiping her Son, the king of all kings, and Lord of all lords, the savior of the world, HER savior. And she took that moment and instead of letting the stress of it all overwhelm her, she pondered instead. Perhaps she pondered the angels promise to her and then to Joseph. Perhaps she pondered the announcement she made to Elizabeth when Jesus’ cousin lept while still growing in the womb. Perhaps she recalled all the prophesies about the Messiah that she’d grown up learning about.

And this my friend, is the one thing many of us are lacking each and every holiday season. As a pastor’s wife we entertain a lot. We are either having a party in our home, or hosting an event at church every single week. Don’t get me wrong, we LOVE the holiday season, but there are always more items to check off the list of “to-dos”. This can be draining, daunting, and mundane if not done correctly. If not done purposefully, we can get all caught up in the lights, the decorations, the programs, the parties, the gifts, the finances, the stress, the heartache… and we fail to sit back and ponder.

I have a list of ways to do this. Over the years I’ve prayed for a way to enjoy the holiday season without heaping the stress on to the breaking point, and I’m confident I’m headed in the right direction (can’t honestly say I’ve mastered it). So if you’d like to see the “How tos” check back in tomorrow. But for now, let the idea of taking time to ponder the Christmas season sink in.

Albert Barns says that “pondered”  means weighed. This is the original meaning of the word “weighed.” She kept them; she revolved them; she “weighed” them in her mind, giving to each circumstance it’s just importance, and anxiously seeking what it might indicate respecting her child.

So, if we were to “ponder” this season, and the importance of this season, and the REASON for this season (it’s such a great cliché!), we’re going to make the season revolve around its purpose. JESUS. We’re going to give each activity that we do an importance. We should be celebrating the birth of our Savior, so if our activities don’t do that, we can give ourselves permission to let them go.

Christmas parties aren’t wrong… but if they are causing strife in our household, stress in our hearts, and debt in our wallet, it is no longer about Jesus and should be omitted.

Christmas cookies aren’t wrong (PRAISE GOD!) but if we’re screaming at our kids for making too many messes, ignoring our family to get just one more batch done, it is no longer about Jesus and should be omitted from our holiday traditions.

Presents for loved ones of course are not wrong, but when we lose sleep over finding (and affording) the latest gadget, toy, or luxury, and we’re lashing out at the crowds at the malls in order to add to our plethora of “THINGS” all to please someone else and not our Savior that we’re celebrating… well, something has to change.

This season brings with it fun and warmth and togetherness, but it is also one of the leading causes for depression, anxiety, and despair. Most of that comes from our lack of ponder. We fail to sit back, and really weigh the importance of the season. We fail to sip our cocoa slower, we fail to cherish our kids’ excitement, we fail to gather just a tad bit closer, and we fail to glorify the one with whom our celebration is due.

Have your Christmas party, but don’t fail to breath in all the love that comes with having friends and family close. Ponder the blessing of friendship as you gather.

Bake your Christmas cookies, let the kids make messes, add in another batch for a neighbor, but don’t fail to ponder the reason we work these traditions into the season. To give out of sacrifice is an honor.

Shop for the perfect Christmas gift, but don’t fail to remember the greatest gift to mankind, the savior.

There is so much of the Christmas season to take in. And as Mary so graciously did on that first Christmas day, I pray you, too will find time to do as well. Take a moment to look around at the friends surrounding you during this season and praise God for each one of them. Take a moment to watch your child’s excitement over a gift under the tree, or lights as they look out their car window. Just take a moment to ponder what all of this means. What is it that you’re celebrating, and then take a sacred moment to ponder His goodness… that began that first Christmas day.

 

Check back in tomorrow for some ways to de-stress your holiday season. It seems as I started this topic God decided to lead me a different direction. However, I’d love to share how we’ve managed to host a party each week (between ministries at church and our own personal one), and bring some cherished moments in each day through the season. Maybe you could use some ideas for balancing the long list of to-dos with capturing the moments that need to be cherished. Until then… God bless.

Believe in the Magic

This is the most wonderful time of the year. I love the decorations, the parties, the full shopping malls (yes, I love a crowd). I love the family time, the excitement that comes with the anticipation and ultimately I love the meaning for this holiday, Christmas. We see in the Bible that Jesus has always been. He wasn’t merely born into existence. He has always been. And the idea that he left his eternal home, heaven, to dwell among us here on earth is such a sign of love to me.

I am so saddened when this sacred holiday is treated with such idolatry. Get ready to be offended… then take a deep breath and hear me out as I promise I speak in love (or type…), But the hype with Santa is, indeed, idolatry. Many people replace the true meaning of Christmas with the idol worship of Santa.

Idolatry:

1. idol worship: the worship of idols or false gods
2. extreme admiration: excessive admiration or love shown for somebody or something

(according to the Bing Dictionary)

Many people think idolatry is when you bow down to a statue, or rub a fat man’s belly before eating chinese food… but God defines it throughout the Bible.

I liked what this website said about idolatry (http://www.ucg.org/bible-faq/what-idolatry)

“ In the King James Version of the Bible, there are three different words translated as “idolatry.” Each one ( teraphiym ,  kateidolos  and  eidololatria ) has at its core the concept of serving or worshipping something other than the one true God. 

So idolatry is not just venerating a statue, carving or painting. Idolatry occurs when we begin to value anything more than we value God. If we spend more time thinking about our hero than God, that’s idolatry. If our every thought is about the latest gadget or our personal appearance, that’s idolatry. If the first priority in our lives is our family, even that’s idolatry.

When God said, “You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3),  He wasn’t just talking about the imaginary deities that seem so ridiculous to us today. He was talking about  anything  that usurps His place as number one in our hearts”

I couldn’t have said it better. I’m not saying that these behaviors aren’t prevalent all year round. But it really roars it’s ugly head around this most wonderful, godly, and pure season.

Jesus came to earth to bring light. To be truth in physical form. He came representing truth, promoting truth, and proclaiming truth.(John 14:6). To celebrate His birth, parents lie to their children and promote Santa. Santa becomes the reason for the season. And without trying to sound like the cliché… this is a lie… Jesus is the reason for the season.

Our emphasis on Santa goes against so many concepts Jesus’ life represented.

1.  Naughty or Nice… If your nice, you get a nice and wonderful gift from Santa… if you’re naughty, you get coal. Jesus says salvation is a gift and can not be earned. We were all sinners, we all fell short, and yet, we gave the biggest gift of all. His life. (Rom6:23) Santa promotes that we can someway earn gifts… and really, how many parents really withhold gifts when their kids are naughty? That’s just not following through on your threats, and basically that’s poor parenting. 😦

**And with this goes the faulty idea that good kids get gifts, bad ones don’t… but what if a family can’t afford gifts, but their kids are very well behaved? How does that play in? Are they being punished for the salary of their parents? Are wealthier families who are able to buy their kids bigger and more gifts families who have “better” kids than the family who can only afford a small toy car?

2.  Being “Nice”… Many have a little elf that reports back to Santa the behavior of the household (lies always breed more lies). We teach our kids to think about everything they do and be sure their actions, thoughts, and emotions are pleasing to God. We emphasize that we do all things for His glory, not to please men… yet Santa promotes (only at THIS time of year) to be good so you can make it to his Nice list. During the celebration of Jesus, and His life, children are asked to behave in a manner to please some lie.

3. 

If this isn’t idolatry, I must know nothing. It seems at this time of year (again, I remind you is supposed to be a time to celebrate Jesus’ birth, His life. ) so many people want to give credit to Santa. Sorry, Charlie Brown, but Santa had nothing to do with your blessings. He did not come to die for your sins, to give you the gift of salvation, and make a way for you to have a home in heaven. Santa broke into your home, ate your cookies, and left material gifts…  James 1:17 reminds us that “Every good and perfect gift is from above”  No one NEEDS Santa. But everyone needs JESUS!
Credit is given where credit is not due. My husband works hard all year round. Mommy cuts coupons, buys second hand, and does without so we can bless our kids at Christmas time with a gift. Santa had nothing to do with it. Jesus blessed us financially to be able to afford to buy a gift for all 4 of our children (and each other most years), and we give HIM glory for that provision. Santa had nothing to do with it. We worship idols when we give Santa credit for what God clearly provides.

4. Lists a mile long. Children are encouraged to make lists of what they want. Commercials are increases so we can add to our never ending lists of what we want. me me me, more more more. Colossians 3:5 lists covetousness and greed as idolatry. I’m not saying it’s wrong to say you want this or that on occasion. What I’m focusing on the emphasis we put on this covetousness this time of year. Christmas has become so much about the gifts, and less and less about WHO THE GIFT IS.

Idolatry is when we put anything above God. When something has taken the place of God, it crosses over into idolatry. When we change the meaning of Christmas to mean something outside of the celebration of Jesus’ birth, we’ve made an idol. I’m aware not everyone is a Jesus lover, and for you, you have a different meaning for “Christmas Magic”. And to you, this entire message was not written. But for those of us who strive to live for Jesus. Let’s be very cautious of not making Santa above Jesus.

I am totally against lying to my children. I remember when I learned the truth about Santa. I sat and brought up all the different lies I was told about him, and I was devastated that so many adults lied to me, and some told some mighty elaborate lies.  Then I questioned what else they had lied about. If I had never seen Santa, but those I trusted told me he was real… how do I know they are telling the truth when they tell me that I need to just “believe” that Jesus is real?

My husband began to ponder the “lies” as acceptable. If adults were allowed to lie, surely he was allowed. If it was okay as long as no one got hurt, then he could begin to tell others lies… as long as no one got hurt. And basically neither of these scenarios  are what we’d choose to teach our children.  But even beyond the lie… Santa has become an idol. Many say it’s a fun game… I say it’s inconsistent to what we choose to teach our kids all year round.

We teach our kids about the Christmas magic.

Magic: the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.

The birth of our Savior;  the one who came to save a flawed people was a supernatural experience. His power changed the course of events. When Mary brought forth life, that life extended into our lives today .He came to proclaim good news to the poor. He was sent to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness  the prisoners. THAT IS MAGIC!

The world’s Christmas slogan is to “Believe”. When we believe in the falsities of Santa, we are worshipping idols. Use this season to teach your kids to believe in the true Magic. The birth and life of a sinless savior who gives what we do not deserve, who is the giver of all good and perfect things, and who gives us all we need, and many things we even want.  Don’t let the season get wrapped up in make believe, but instead be sure the light shines brighter on the Light. (the Way, and the Truth).

And Merry Christmas to you, I pray it’s the most joyous time of year for you all. I pray you all feel His Magic during this sacred season.

 Feel free to leave me a comment, just know I speak in love, and would appreciate you do the same. 🙂